I Like You... Charlie Kelly

I resisted watching "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" for years, because I had a small group of friends who were adamant about the show and would consistently demand that I watch it with the same maniacal intensity that they do. Well, if you know anything about me (and you don't) then you'd be well aware that I never do anything that people tell me I have to do. Especially when it comes to movies, books, television shows or any other piece of the pop culture puzzle, because I love finding things on my own and throwing myself into them without care or concern for my well being (which is how I got through the entire series of "The Sopranos" in less than 2 weeks). I absorb what I'm doing better that way, because I'm doing it on my own terms, damn it. But, this time, my friends were right and now I'm addicted to "The Gang" and especially the "wildcard" of the bunch, Charlie Kelly.

Another triumphant moment in the life of Charlie Kelly.

"It's Always Sunny..." is such a rare, rare show. On one hand you have a small group of people running around Philadelphia getting into zany situations with hilarious results; which is standard sitcom fare that has been in place for decades; but, on the other hand you have some pretty over the top gross out comedy, slapstick, meta-comedy, the occasional musical number and a main cast of characters that, despite being complete dicks, you actually like. However; if the show consisted of every single character except Charlie Kelly (played brilliantly by Charlie Day) this wouldn't be the case. Charlie is such a lovable, funny and honest character (even though, at times, he can be just as big of a dick as the rest of the gang) that he brings a much needed sense of pause to a show that can sometimes wander too far into f_cked up territory. It's almost as if every line of dialogue that comes out of Charlie's mouth, even the most retarded statements about made up things like bird law, are there to remind us that the entire gang, not just Charlie, are acting like a bunch of innocent children who have no idea that what they're doing might be construed as wrong, disturbing and crazy by the general public.

The best example of this I can think of is the season 4 episode "Who Pooped The Bed." The title itself is cause enough to be taken aback, but, as usual, it's the meat and bones of it all that makes it much more than your standard issue poo-based comedy, because when 2 full grown men share a pull out mattress every night and one morning they wake up to find, snuggled neatly between them, a full grown turd, it's not about how gross it is, or how sick, it's about who did it, and thus begins a journey into a fecal focused whodunnit episode that, if done by any other show, would rely solely on the fact that they could now get away with making as many sh_tty poop jokes as possible (like that one I just made... it just keeps coming... see, it's too easy). Sure, there are plenty of wacky moments, but if it wasn't for the sheer joy that Charlie expresses as the "crime" is slowly unraveled, or the bouts of rage he displays when the finger is pointed in his direction, it would be blatantly unwatchable even by my low, low standards. During a pivotal moment when Dennis, Mac, Charlie and Frank take the turd in question to a medical laboratory to have it tested they find chunks of a credit card (ruled to be inconclusive evidence) and much, much more that a human should never eat, but because Charlie is involved it's not out of the question. It reminds of the time my 8 year old nephew ate a plastic apple when he was 4, because, like Charlie, he didn't know any better and, at the time, he didn't care. When I, the always cool, down to earth uncle asked my nephew why he kept eating after he realized the apple was fake my nephew said, "I wanted to see if I could," and that's exactly how I would expect Charlie Kelly to answer the same question.

Pictured Above: Happiness.

The Gang, as is true with most groups of friends, operates in a sort of make-shift hierarchy. Mac is the brains of the operation and Dennis is the looks. Frank is the muscle and Sweet Dee is the useless girl who does nothing (their words, not mine); which leaves Charlie as the wild card, the guy who sits there looking like he's capable of doing something crazy at the drop of a hat (like cutting the brakes on a van full of a garbage cans full of gasoline, just because), and even though most people would be offended by the suggestion that they are the crazy one, Charlie fully embraces his responsibility to be "that guy." Why? Because, why not? That's why. When you're the wild card you live by your own set of rules. You get to dress up in all sorts of intricate costumes and adopt whatever accent you want, because it's expected that you, the wild card, act unexpectedly, and when Charlie is at his most insane/goofy/lovable he is at his best. Take, for example, the recurring and awesome presence that is Greenman. Oh, sweet, sweet Greenman. Evidently, according to the show's mythology, Charlie would show up at high school football games wearing nothing but a skin tight, bright green spandex suit and a pair of black sneakers... hell, I'll just show you because it's easier that way.

My Hero.

You and I both know that there is always 1 friend in your group that is damaged just enough to wear something like the Greenman suit (unfortunately my group of friends think that I am crazy enough to wear it, and they have been trying to convince me to be Greenman for Halloween this year... not happening, fellas), and that friend can only properly be described as your wild card. He's a necessary element in every group dynamic, because while the majority of your friends represent the order in the world and display crisp logic and make good decisions on a regular basis, the wild card represents the chaos in the world and the utter joy that accompanies just letting go and doing what you want no matter whose looking; which is why we love them fiercely and go to great lengths to protect them should they come under fire from outsiders. And this is true of The Gang. Sure, they may sit around and rip on Charlie for being borderline illiterate, un-hygienic and a little slow, but if anyone outside of the inner circle says anything derogatory about their wild card, the outsider better get ready to be hammered upon the angry fists of the entire gang (especially Franky Fast Hands). It's not that Charlie needs the protection, because it's been shown that the man can take a wicked beating and keep on ticking, but it's out of a deeply rooted sense of loyalty shared amongst all groups of close friends.

I miss the days when my buddies and I would drink too much and get into trouble, and I miss being the guy they could count on to come up with some crazy scheme that would ultimately make things worse for everyone involved, but would be more fun than should be allowed by law. There was a time when my small crew of close knit friends and I were stumbling back from a bar (we had walked a couple miles at this point) when my friend Mike noticed a new "For Sale" sign in front of a house on our street and all of us immediately took offense at this. We found it personally insulting that someone so close to our home base would dare to want to leave, so we did the only logical thing we could think of at the time. Under the cover of darkness we crept around the sign, my friends forming a wall, blocking me from the view of any witnesses that might be driving by, and with all my might I ripped the sign out of the ground and, using the last reserves of my drunk muscles, I sprinted back to our place with the sign over my shoulder. I woke up the next morning halfway between my bed and the door to my room, because in my alcohol induced mania from the night before I decided that the sign deserved the bed and I deserved the floor. Those were the days, and thanks to "It's Always Sunny..." I get to vicariously live out those crazy days and nights every Thursday, and, as always, Charlie Kelly is the reason I tune in.

I should take the time to let you guys know that I could've written this post about any member of the cast of "It's Always Sunny...," because they are all incredibly funny, talented people who know how to make me laugh. I could've written about Frank (played by Danny Devito in an inspired, genius like casting move) and how all he needs to do is move slightly or make a face and I'll be on the floor. I could've written about Mac and his inflated ego and his ability to be cluelessly self-aware at all times and how much that reminds me of a dozen people I've known in my life. I could have gone on and on about Dennis being the quickest wit of the bunch. I could have written about Sweet Dee being the funniest female on television right now; which she is, by the way. But, in the end I've got a soft spot for that furry little bastard Charlie and every second he is on screen seems to be better than the next. So, without further adieu, I hereby announce the induction of Charlie Kelly to the "I Like You..." hall of fame.

Congratulations, Greenman.

TV Has Taught Me Evertyhing I Know

I've been sitting on this post for a while now, because I wanted to take the time to think about it, because it means more to me than any of my previous entries. Why? Because I love TV. I honestly and truly love television shows almost as much as I love some of my cousins (they just don't get me, man), and I'm not sure why, because I don't think about it. I just throw myself into a TV show and let the writers, actors, producers and networks do the rest. It's not that I'm lazy or have a lack of imagination that demands everything be shown to me, and it's not because I hate reading like so many other members of my generation seem to. I love reading. I love being creative and I love taking my dog for a good walk when I get home from a long day of pretending to work, but nothing makes the day more worth it than knowing I can escape into a different world for 22 or 43 minutes at a time (unless it's HBO/Showtime, in which case 28-60 minutes is appropriate).

I don't discriminate in my programming tastes. I'll watch anything from "Dr. Who" to NOVA specials on PBS, from "Monty Python" to "The Soup," it doesn't matter as long as it isn't "American Idol," or "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." The most important lessons I've learned in life, aside from ones that actually take place in the real world (not the TV show), have come from various TV Shows I've watched over the years. I have an urge to pass along the most important items to you, my dear reader, with the hope that what I've learned will resonate with you and help to change your life for the better, so without further adieu, I present to you: "Jimbolaya's Guide to Life, As Learned From T.V." A TV Guide to Life, if you will.

1- "Never go with a hippie to a second location." - Jack Donaghy/Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock. Have truer words ever been spoken? How many times have you found yourself enjoying a conversation with a hippie? Probably often, they are enjoyable people and their perspective on life is often times hilariously innocent and optimistic(not to mention they are really easy to f_ck with). Oh, you and your new hippie friend probably had a grand old time talking about philosophy and patchouli or whatever the f_ck hippies talk about, and then it all comes crashing down the instant you move to a second location. Say you were talking at a coffee shop or a bar and your hippie buddy asks if you want to move to another coffee shop or bar (depending where you started, it's the natural chain of hippie events: bar to coffee shop/coffee shop to bar, they don't care as long as they can sit down and hold something). Suddenly you find that your new "friend" is a complete idiot with a trust fund/inheritance from a dead aunt, and no sense of reality. Those "interesting" points he/she made earlier are not at all interesting any more, because in the harsh light of reality they just don't hold up. Besides, if you're talking to a guy who spent 6 months of the past year traveling around the country watching Phish and Phish cover bands, you have to start wondering when he/she is going to ask for money or a spot on your couch. That's how they work, they charm you with their dreadlocks and their carefree, whatever happens, happens attitude, but when it comes down to it they're still the same group of people who use peace and love as an excuse not to work.

2 - "To Alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." Homer Simpson/Dan Castellaneta, The Simpsons. I expect "The Simpsons" will play a large part in this guide, because I am part of Generation Homer. The lucky horde of 20-somethings that have seen every episode of "The Simpsons" since they were barely in grade school when it started airing 20-something years ago and, in doing so, have gained valuable knowledge about life, the universe and everything. That said, Homer hit this one right on the nose when he proudly proclaimed that alcohol is the cause and solution to all of life's problems, because it most certainly is. How many times have you argued with your best friend after one too many only to make up with him/her over one too many a few days later? It happens more often than you realize, but when it comes down to it, the wonderful side effect of imbibing alcoholic beverages is the be all and end all of coping mechanisms (and it's organic... sort of). No other substance on Earth manages to subdue your inhibitions quite like alchol; which is a double edged sword. You can say something nice to the girl you've never had the courage to say something nice to before, or you can say something nasty to your boss at the Christmas party because you took two shots of liquid courage in the break room with the IT guys (they know how to party). It works both ways and should be respected (possibly deified) for all the good it does and all the pain it causes, because there is nothing else like it in the world.

3- "Live together, or die alone." - Jack Shepherd/Matthew Fox, Lost - I am now, unfortunately, one of the millions of people in the world that is uncontrollably addicted to "Lost," but, aside from the mind blowing mysteries of the island and all the plot lines that twist in and out of the show and the loose ends that better get tidied up by this time next fall, "Lost" is truly a show about the good that comes of people working together for a common goal. Jack (my least favorite character on the show, by the way) sums it up beautifully in season 1 when he rallies the troops with what will soon become the Lostie motto. In one terrific sentence, Jack wraps up the most overlooked aspect of the human condition; which is our ability to be so selfish that we forget we need other people to live happily, and in doing so helped prompt a group of strangers who had no reason to trust each other to start working as a unit to make sure they had enough food, water and shelter to live on (what seemed to be) an undiscovered island with a monster on it. It's motivational without being overly dramatic and sentimental, and if you're ever in a situation where you're not sure what to do with yourself, just think "live together, die alone," and go find someone to help out. Trust me, it works.

4- "Even a broken clock is right twice a day." - Tony Soprano/James Gandolfini, The Sopranos. I know, I know, it's an old saying that has been around forever and I probably heard my grandma or grandpa say it once or twice, but who listens to their grandparents? When Tony Soprano speaks you and I have no choice but to stop what we're doing and pay attention (because he might have you clipped), and when Tony decides to pop off a piece of Jersey Shore wisdom like the line up above, you and I have no choice but to take it to heart (because, and this is important, he might murder you). When Tony says "even a broken clock is right twice a day" it's an insult directed at his retarded, camel nosed nephew Christopher, but when you stop and think about it, it's a great piece of advice and a helpful reminder that even the most "broken clocks" (meaning stupid people) among us are right from every once in a while. So, the next time the secretary at work with an annoying voice and a hair cut from last century is trying to make a point about the way you file your TPS reports, pay attention, she might be right.

5- "Oh, she thinks I'm too critical. That's another fault of hers." - Lucille Bluth/Jessica Walters, Arrested Development. Thank God for Lucille Bluth. I mean that, right now, if you are reading this say a prayer in thanks for Lucille, because there has never been a character like her on TV, and there never will be again. It's times like these when I'm reflecting on the important lessons I've learned in my life that I'm truly thankful for "Arrested Development," and the infinite amount of laughs it's given me, but Lucille always made me laugh the most. It's precisely the type of super-ego comment like the one above, that each and every one of us can learn from, that makes Lucille such a great character that stands head and shoulders above her fellow cast mates. Each of us, from time to time, needs to be impervious to insults or else we get too caught up in damage control and changing who we are for the sake of pleasing others. Lucille doesn't do that. She's fully embraced herself and has no problem sloughing off a barb from Lindsay, Michael or Gob. It's not that she doesn't care (well, she probably doesn't care now that I think about it), but she knows it's not going to change a damn thing, so why pay attention to it? It's their fault anyway, they brought it up.

6- "A ceremony doesn't have to be long to be effective." Alf, ALF. I don't remember much about "ALF," but what I do remember (the titular character's affinity for eating cats) has stuck with me for a long, long time. That said, the best wedding I've ever been to lasted less than 25 minutes, and believe me, it was effective. The preacher/priest got up to the altar, said some gibberish about love and marriage, there were rings and vows and before I could say an "Our Father" it was over and the loving couple were married. Perfect. I grew up Catholic so I know about overly long ceremonies (a 2 hour long Christmas service really makes you wonder if it's all worth it), and as a child I always knew, deep down, that church would be more effective if it lasted half as long, because God doesn't care if you spend an hour dressed up, worshiping, because he's God, he's got other things to take care of. So, why not parse it down to the necessary bits and move on so you can go out and get on with your life? This goes double for you, graduation ceremonies, because after 4 years of hard work to get to that point, everybody in the audience just wants to get it over with. Next time you're planning a wedding, think about what Alf said, and if that's not enough, imagine how much more time you'll get to spend at the open bar if the service ended earlier.

7 - "You always go with your gut. How about for once you listen to your brain." - Marge Simpson/Julie Kavner, The Simpsons. Instincts are overrated. Instincts, when listened to perpetually and without question, can be a real pain in the ass, because they are leftovers from a time when humans were, more or less, animals that had to use their most basic urges in order to survive. Now, in 2009, we have far too many tools at our disposal to warrant listening to your inner caveman (unless you are facing up to a T-Rex, and then by all means, instinct away). For thousands of years philosophers have been trying to tell us we need to stop and think about what we do and how we do it. We can't always rely on a gut reaction to give us the best outcome for every situation. However, we do need to use our instincts from time to time, but we need to be selective about it. For example; if you're walking down the street and a guy is heading your way wearing a trench coat with a menacing look on your face, it's a good idea to follow your gut across the street, because, hell he might mug you, flash you or ask for spare change, but if you take the time to think about it, he's probably just a guy walking down the street, just like you, and he might think you're about to mug him. So, be selective about listening to your gut, it might make all the difference in the world.

8- "If I see you touch that kid again, I'm going to stick my fist through your chest." - Tim Riggins/Taylor Kitsch, Friday Night Lights. Okay, aside from being a criminally under watched show, "Friday Night Lights" is a vivid portrayal of what life is like in a small town that happens to be obsessed with high school football, and behind all the drama and struggle lies something deeper. It's rare to see a community that actually cares about itself on TV these days, but the good folks of Dillon, Texas are, at all times, trying to do what's right by everyone else (even if that means hurting someone in the process, unfortunately) and there is no better example of this ethos than Tim Riggins. Riggins will do whatever it takes to protect what he loves, and you know he's not lying when he says he's going to put his fist through someone's chest, because he will (I've seen it!) if it means saving someone else from getting hurt. We should all take this to heart, because we try so hard to remain on the periphery of everyone's lives without interfering that we forget that we actually need to step up and do something if the situation demands it. We can't shuffle along happily ignoring the guy who beats his kid, we have to notice it and do something about it or else it all goes to sh_t.

9- "They could at least lie to us. You know, call us and lie! We don't want to sit here like schmucks. A lie is a gesture, it's a courtesy, it's a little respect. This is very disrespectful. ." Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm It came to my attention, just the other night actually, that I may be a little too honest. I might tell it like it is a little too much, because oftentimes I overlook the necessity of lying. While I don't think anyone should ever lie and that everyone should be as honest about what they're feeling or thinking, sometimes a lie just works better. If you don't want to go out to dinner with a couple of old friends because you're tired, you can't just call up and say "I don't feel like it," you have to give them an excuse, because "I don't feel like it" is going to piss them off. But, if you come up with a little, white lie and say "I'm not feeling well, I think something's going around work, I was really looking forward to seeing you guys," even if they suspect you're lying, at least they know you made an effort not to hurt their feelings. Still, if it were up to me everyone we'd be honest all the time, no matter who they offended in the process, but, a lie is sometimes exactly what the doctor ordered... as long as it's not a huge, life consuming lie, just the little ones that don't hurt anyone.

I expect this list of wisdom will continue to grow, but for now this is enough to pass along, or at least it's some of the more important stuff... stay tuned.