Equal Grounds Stand Up Comedy Extravaganza!

TONIGHT at 9! All you need is $5 and a sense of humor!



Because I dropped the ball and submitted the event too late to some of the local papers and web pages that promote things of this nature, I've taken it upon myself to do a little something here on my web page to support my friends and fellow comedians who will be appearing tonight at Equal Grounds Coffee House and Gift Shop in Rochester, NY (750 South Ave.).

Bryan J. Ball, Making With The Funny

The host of tonight's show is none other than my friend, neighbor and insanely funny comedian Bryan J. Ball. Bryan has been doing stand-up in Rochester and beyond for a little more than a year and he is honestly one of the areas biggest rising stars. He hosts the weekly open mic at Boulder Coffee Co. on Sunday's; which are not to be missed if you are a fan of comedy, and is also the areas longest running event of its kind. If you like smart, charming, creative humor you really do not want to miss out on seeing Bryan perform tonight. Not to mention he is an incredible host who manages to bring a room up and down with him at the drop of a hat. I really can't tell you how highly I think of Bryan (very).

You know what's hard to find on the internet? A picture of Vinnie Paulino.

Tonight's featured comedian is, by and large, one of Western New York's best stand-up comedians, Vinnie Paulino. Regularly hosts at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY, Vinnie shows a wide range of amazing comedic skill that can be at times charming, disarming, genius and goofy, but he's never not funny. I've had the pleasure of seeing Vinnie perform on numerous occasions and he's never disappointed the crowd or his fellow comedians with the way we can absolutely command a room with his charisma. No other comic in Rochester has his way with crowds as often or as easily as Vinnie, mark my words: you will laugh your ass off.

I am staying up way past my bedtime just to see Ms. Becker perform tonight, you should too.

Tonight's headliner, Kristen Becker, was a semi-finalist on Last Comic Standing and named one of CURVE magazines "America's funniest lesbians" and started and still hosts the "Doin' Time Comedy Showcase" at Nietzsche's in Buffalo, NY (one of the Rust Belt's premier stand-up open mic destinations). Now, I have never had the pleasure of seeing Ms. Becker perform live (because I am a hermit who hates leaving his house unless there is a zombie apocalypse or meteorite headed right for me), but I am more than excited. Every comedian I have talked to has described Kristen's shows as "can't miss;" which, coming from other comedians is basically like being anointed as the second coming of all things comedy. So, am I excited? Yes, incredibly so. If you live in Rochester you really need to find a way to get to Equal Grounds tonight and check out Kristen's comedy, she doesn't get around here very often, so you really, really, honestly, truly, literally do not want to skip out on this opportunity to see her live in a small venue before she is selling out entire stadiums.

TO RECAP:
Tonight's show starts at 9, but get there early so you can get a good seat. It is at Equal Grounds Coffee and Gift Shop, located at 750 South Ave. in Rochester, NY and costs $5. Hosted by Bryan J. Ball, featuring Vinnie Paulino and headlined by Kristen Becker, it is sure to be something Rochestarians will not want to miss. I promise.

I Like You... Charlie Kelly

I resisted watching "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" for years, because I had a small group of friends who were adamant about the show and would consistently demand that I watch it with the same maniacal intensity that they do. Well, if you know anything about me (and you don't) then you'd be well aware that I never do anything that people tell me I have to do. Especially when it comes to movies, books, television shows or any other piece of the pop culture puzzle, because I love finding things on my own and throwing myself into them without care or concern for my well being (which is how I got through the entire series of "The Sopranos" in less than 2 weeks). I absorb what I'm doing better that way, because I'm doing it on my own terms, damn it. But, this time, my friends were right and now I'm addicted to "The Gang" and especially the "wildcard" of the bunch, Charlie Kelly.

Another triumphant moment in the life of Charlie Kelly.

"It's Always Sunny..." is such a rare, rare show. On one hand you have a small group of people running around Philadelphia getting into zany situations with hilarious results; which is standard sitcom fare that has been in place for decades; but, on the other hand you have some pretty over the top gross out comedy, slapstick, meta-comedy, the occasional musical number and a main cast of characters that, despite being complete dicks, you actually like. However; if the show consisted of every single character except Charlie Kelly (played brilliantly by Charlie Day) this wouldn't be the case. Charlie is such a lovable, funny and honest character (even though, at times, he can be just as big of a dick as the rest of the gang) that he brings a much needed sense of pause to a show that can sometimes wander too far into f_cked up territory. It's almost as if every line of dialogue that comes out of Charlie's mouth, even the most retarded statements about made up things like bird law, are there to remind us that the entire gang, not just Charlie, are acting like a bunch of innocent children who have no idea that what they're doing might be construed as wrong, disturbing and crazy by the general public.

The best example of this I can think of is the season 4 episode "Who Pooped The Bed." The title itself is cause enough to be taken aback, but, as usual, it's the meat and bones of it all that makes it much more than your standard issue poo-based comedy, because when 2 full grown men share a pull out mattress every night and one morning they wake up to find, snuggled neatly between them, a full grown turd, it's not about how gross it is, or how sick, it's about who did it, and thus begins a journey into a fecal focused whodunnit episode that, if done by any other show, would rely solely on the fact that they could now get away with making as many sh_tty poop jokes as possible (like that one I just made... it just keeps coming... see, it's too easy). Sure, there are plenty of wacky moments, but if it wasn't for the sheer joy that Charlie expresses as the "crime" is slowly unraveled, or the bouts of rage he displays when the finger is pointed in his direction, it would be blatantly unwatchable even by my low, low standards. During a pivotal moment when Dennis, Mac, Charlie and Frank take the turd in question to a medical laboratory to have it tested they find chunks of a credit card (ruled to be inconclusive evidence) and much, much more that a human should never eat, but because Charlie is involved it's not out of the question. It reminds of the time my 8 year old nephew ate a plastic apple when he was 4, because, like Charlie, he didn't know any better and, at the time, he didn't care. When I, the always cool, down to earth uncle asked my nephew why he kept eating after he realized the apple was fake my nephew said, "I wanted to see if I could," and that's exactly how I would expect Charlie Kelly to answer the same question.

Pictured Above: Happiness.

The Gang, as is true with most groups of friends, operates in a sort of make-shift hierarchy. Mac is the brains of the operation and Dennis is the looks. Frank is the muscle and Sweet Dee is the useless girl who does nothing (their words, not mine); which leaves Charlie as the wild card, the guy who sits there looking like he's capable of doing something crazy at the drop of a hat (like cutting the brakes on a van full of a garbage cans full of gasoline, just because), and even though most people would be offended by the suggestion that they are the crazy one, Charlie fully embraces his responsibility to be "that guy." Why? Because, why not? That's why. When you're the wild card you live by your own set of rules. You get to dress up in all sorts of intricate costumes and adopt whatever accent you want, because it's expected that you, the wild card, act unexpectedly, and when Charlie is at his most insane/goofy/lovable he is at his best. Take, for example, the recurring and awesome presence that is Greenman. Oh, sweet, sweet Greenman. Evidently, according to the show's mythology, Charlie would show up at high school football games wearing nothing but a skin tight, bright green spandex suit and a pair of black sneakers... hell, I'll just show you because it's easier that way.

My Hero.

You and I both know that there is always 1 friend in your group that is damaged just enough to wear something like the Greenman suit (unfortunately my group of friends think that I am crazy enough to wear it, and they have been trying to convince me to be Greenman for Halloween this year... not happening, fellas), and that friend can only properly be described as your wild card. He's a necessary element in every group dynamic, because while the majority of your friends represent the order in the world and display crisp logic and make good decisions on a regular basis, the wild card represents the chaos in the world and the utter joy that accompanies just letting go and doing what you want no matter whose looking; which is why we love them fiercely and go to great lengths to protect them should they come under fire from outsiders. And this is true of The Gang. Sure, they may sit around and rip on Charlie for being borderline illiterate, un-hygienic and a little slow, but if anyone outside of the inner circle says anything derogatory about their wild card, the outsider better get ready to be hammered upon the angry fists of the entire gang (especially Franky Fast Hands). It's not that Charlie needs the protection, because it's been shown that the man can take a wicked beating and keep on ticking, but it's out of a deeply rooted sense of loyalty shared amongst all groups of close friends.

I miss the days when my buddies and I would drink too much and get into trouble, and I miss being the guy they could count on to come up with some crazy scheme that would ultimately make things worse for everyone involved, but would be more fun than should be allowed by law. There was a time when my small crew of close knit friends and I were stumbling back from a bar (we had walked a couple miles at this point) when my friend Mike noticed a new "For Sale" sign in front of a house on our street and all of us immediately took offense at this. We found it personally insulting that someone so close to our home base would dare to want to leave, so we did the only logical thing we could think of at the time. Under the cover of darkness we crept around the sign, my friends forming a wall, blocking me from the view of any witnesses that might be driving by, and with all my might I ripped the sign out of the ground and, using the last reserves of my drunk muscles, I sprinted back to our place with the sign over my shoulder. I woke up the next morning halfway between my bed and the door to my room, because in my alcohol induced mania from the night before I decided that the sign deserved the bed and I deserved the floor. Those were the days, and thanks to "It's Always Sunny..." I get to vicariously live out those crazy days and nights every Thursday, and, as always, Charlie Kelly is the reason I tune in.

I should take the time to let you guys know that I could've written this post about any member of the cast of "It's Always Sunny...," because they are all incredibly funny, talented people who know how to make me laugh. I could've written about Frank (played by Danny Devito in an inspired, genius like casting move) and how all he needs to do is move slightly or make a face and I'll be on the floor. I could've written about Mac and his inflated ego and his ability to be cluelessly self-aware at all times and how much that reminds me of a dozen people I've known in my life. I could have gone on and on about Dennis being the quickest wit of the bunch. I could have written about Sweet Dee being the funniest female on television right now; which she is, by the way. But, in the end I've got a soft spot for that furry little bastard Charlie and every second he is on screen seems to be better than the next. So, without further adieu, I hereby announce the induction of Charlie Kelly to the "I Like You..." hall of fame.

Congratulations, Greenman.

I Like You... Benjamin Linus

"I like you..." is a recurring section of "Where the Wild Things Were Last Thursday Around 8" which highlights the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the people, places and things that make each and every day a little more bearable just because they happen to exist.

**POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD**

I love puzzles and "Lost," to me at least, is one giant puzzle that needs to be solved. I began watching "Lost" a little less than 3 months ago, and in those 90 days my girlfriend and I have managed to watch almost every episode the series has to offer (we're about half way through season 5), but at first I didn't pay attention to the "mysteries of the island." I loved the smoke monster and I loved the polar bears and I perked up when I learned that Locke was in a wheelchair, paralyzed before he crash landed on the island and was suddenly healed, but I shrugged it off as "just one of those things," and moved on. I instantly hated Jack, because I could never get past how self-centered all his actions seemed to be, but he is necessary, he is the doctor that will heal the world and make sure everyone knows how much it hurts him to heal the world and he will do so by having strange, intermittent breakdowns and becoming addicted to pills. I cried like a baby the first time I watched Sun and Jin's relationship unfold, because, come on, they are, like, the cutest couple ever, and Jin is pretty badass. But, it wasn't until a mysterious man named Henry Gale showed up out of nowhere (and was promptly tortured by Sayid) that I was hooked and hooked good.

Aww, look at how harmless he seems when he's been hogtied, tortured and forced to live in a closet.

I couldn't wrap my head around this "Henry Gale," I didn't know if he was telling the truth or if I was succumbing to some sort of osmotic paranoia due to watching "Lost" on a loop for hours at a time, but I knew I liked him. Evil or not, Henry Gale spiced things up on "Lost" when the show was slowly but surely starting to become formulaic and (gasp) predictable. Oh, it was still intriguing and you still wanted to find out what the f_ck was going on with that f_cking island, but once they popped the hatch and Desmond McCrazypants showed up, I found my love for the show waning. Why I ever doubted J.J Abrams is beyond me, because just when I thought it was time to check out this "Mad Men" show people are so pleased with, Henry Gale showed up and another piece of the puzzle was thrown into the mix, except this piece didn't seem to fit anywhere and even though there was a big open space in the middle of the puzzle board no matter how many times you tried to force it in, it never fit, it just sat there, staring up at you with dead eyes waiting for you to figure out what to do with it.

Just when I was ready to believe that Henry Gale was who he said he was, "Lost" decided it wanted to make my head explode, and revealed that Henry isn't Henry at all, but rather a man named Benjamin Linus, the leader of The Others who had been kidnapping the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815, and once again the hook was set and my poor, obsessive brain could not get over the most recent twist, but it accepted it and went right back to trying to figure things out, and it was during this process that I realized something I stupidly ignored from the get-go: Every single character on "Lost" is hugely, hugely flawed and there is no such thing as "good" or "bad," but rather a delicately balanced gray area wherein all the characters reside. Why else would 2 murderers (Kate, Sawyer) be considered part of the "good team?" On any other show in any other universe the bad guys would be so clearly defined as to make any sort of guess work pointless, but on "Lost" either you have done wrong, will do wrong or you have no idea what the difference is so you just do what you have to do. Ben is the last one. Benjamin Linus is the ultimate tight rope walker, because he toes the line of good and bad so frequently and so well that you never know what he's up to and since he "always has a plan," but never shares what that plan is exactly it makes him the most captivating character on TV since Tony Soprano.

"I'm sure whomever I'm shooting right now needs to die to save the island or to help me, help the others save the island or he or she needs to be killed or else I can't help the survivors get back, or I'm doing it to get back at Whidmore, or I... I don't know, whatever." BANG

I've always found myself drawn to characters that have no moral compass. Maybe it's because I believe that morality and right and wrong are not static (f_ck you, Plato!) and I don't believe that, in a world that is, and always will be constantly evolving it's correct to say "this is this" and "that is that" and just trust that those assigned values will forever remain in place. Now, it should be noted that I am staunchly in favor of crossing at all cross walks even if there is no traffic, and I never drive more than 10 miles an hour over the speed limit, but if I absolutely had to I would as long as the situation demanded it. Benjamin Linus understands that every situation is unique and requires its own special reaction in order to render the outcome satisfactorily, and that includes murdering an island full of people or simply sacrificing himself to benefit the island and the people he loves so much. You have to admire a guy like that, or at least I do, because that's what I loved about characters like Tony Soprano; they will always act out of a belief that what they are doing is above the commonly understood notions of right and wrong, and I happen to agree with them, because when you are fighting for your life and the life of the ones you love, anything goes, and that is exactly what I think Ben is up to.

I'm not of the school that thinks Benjamin Linus is inherently bad, I think he is inherently good but at some point had that goodness shaken out of him. Maybe it was the constant berating from his father that he withstood for 28 years that made him a cold, callous man, but consequently the actions of Ben's father led him to The Others and made him who he is today, and I've got to believe that a man as smart as Ben understands that (and it probably pisses him off). Then of course there is the island factor. When you've spent your entire life living on an island that is, for lack of a better word, magical and there is a group of people devoted to protecting the island, and all of its mysteries, that have embraced you and made you their leader, after a lifetime of being told you killed your mother and were worthless, yeah, you're going to want to fight for the other team and more than likely you'll be a lot less apt to care whether or not something like murder is morally reprehensible or not, because if the situation calls for murder, he's going to shoot someone. That's just how Ben is. Take him or leave him. He's an awesome guy.

He's also a sociopath, but that's fine, all the best characters in novels, movies, television and stage plays have been sociopaths. Hannibal Lecter? Sociopath. The Joker? Sociopath. Tony Soprano? Sociopath. Ace Ventura? Sociopath. Atticus Finch? Sociopath. You have to keep in mind that these characters have no clue what they do may be construed as bad or evil at the time (don't tell me Atticus Finch was not acting out of some twisted pathological tendencies when he decided to defend Tom Robinson, I mean, that book is so dark and twisted and f_cked up he had to be a sociopath, what kind of man puts his kids in that much danger to prove a point), but that is, ultimately, their biggest flaw and their most exploitable weakness. What separates Ben from the other characters I've mentioned is that Ben seems to have an explicit understanding of his own pathology; which allows him to be in complete and total control; which is as terrifying as it is awesome. If Hannibal Lecter had embraced his own instability, he would have never let himself get shot by Will Graham. If Tony Soprano wasn't such an idiot... well I have no idea what happened to him (f_ck you, David Chase!), but I'm assuming his life just kept circling the drain and he is forever paranoid that whoever walks in the door next might be there to kill him. Ben doesn't just understand his malady, he f_cking owns it, and that is awesome and it gives him the ability to do what he needs to do. If anyone else on the show was to be tasked with half the sh_t Ben is asked to do, they would over think it and start whining and make a big show of how they are "good people" who would never voluntarily hurt a fly unless that fly was a drunk who beat up on his wife; in which case, you just blow up the fly's house with the fly still in it. There. Done.

Of all the characters the populate that always shifting world of "Lost," Ben Linus is the only one who honestly seems to understand that each and every single person associated with the island is not what they seem to be. I long ago joked with my girlfriend that "the island must get its power from con-men, crooks, crazy people and killers, because that just about sums up its entire population," but they all fall into that false belief that if you are in a different place where nobody knows your name or your history that you can change who you are. Ben's not like that. He knows Kate will always be Kate, and Jack will always be super annoying and Sawyer will always end up shirtless no matter when or where they are, even though they act like the island cleansed them of their sins, they're still the same people they were when they crashed there. Just like Ben will always be Ben, because he knows what the island wants, and the island doesn't want you to be somebody else, it brought you there for a reason. Why f_ck that up? Why not use it to your advantage? Ben does.

It's hard to write about any character on "Lost" without venturing into the land of the mythical and mysterious, but I think I did okay. That said, I hope you can all welcome Benjamin Linus as the first fictional member of the "I like you..." hall of fame with open arms, a healthy smile and a bullet proof vest (just in case). Since Mr. Linus is a fictional character I will be sending him a fictional t-shirt.

I Like You... "Summer Heights High"

"I like you..." is a recurring section of "Where the Wild Things Were Last Thursday Around 8" which highlights the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the people, places and things that make each and every day a little more bearable just because they happen to exist.

Reader, I'll be honest with you. I had a very, very difficult time deciding who or what I was going to induct into the "I Like You..." hall of fame this week. I batted around the idea of honoring one of Rochester, New York's best and brightest, up and coming, super talented stand-up comedians; namely, one Billy T. Anglin. But, I know Billy a very little bit and, even though I truly believe him to be the best comic in Rochester right now, I'm going to wait a little while before I induct Mr. Anglin into this prestigious, albeit tiny, club. However, because I shamelessly promote anything I enjoy, it is now mandatory that all Last Thursdayers out there seek out Billy on Facebook or Myspace or whatever the f_ck you kids are using these days. Like all local artists in any city it is a constant struggle to get your foot firmly planted in the door, so any support and encouragement my lovely readers can provide Billy T. Anglin and all the local comics (Nigel Larson, Katie Wood, A.J, Dr. Will, etc. etc.) trying to get their big break would be hugely appreciated by myself and the entire staff of "Where the Wild Things Were Last Thursday Around 8." Okay, I'm done shamelessly plugging the locals, so, as they say on Broadway, "on with the show!"

I spent last Christmas by myself because my girlfriend was out of town visiting her family and my family decided they'd have a better holiday if I wasn't involved (I have a tendency to start drinking as soon as my nephews start opening their presents, by 10:00 AM I'm swearing at the decorations because they won't stop taunting me with their joy). So, I celebrated the birth of your lord and savior Jesus Christ by getting hammered on Pabst Blue Ribbon while I watched the entire second season of The Sopranos. It was, far and away, the best Christmas I've ever spent teetering on the edge of alcohol induced manic depression.

This is the most accurate depiction of last Christmas that a Google Image search could provide.

Needless to say I was ecstatic when my lady friend arrived home from her travels, because, as usual, she brought back with her a laundry list of TV shows, books, movies and hair products that her family knew we'd enjoy, because they are way, way more hip than either of us, and without their help we'd just be getting around to this "Golden Girls" show people like so much. On the tippity top of the list was a show from Australia I'd never heard of called "Summer Heights High," and if you've followed this blog with any regularity you know that I never want to do what people tell me I'll enjoy, because by default I am impossible to please, so I fanned away her suggestion with a "meh" and continued on, full steam ahead, into The Sopranos third season.

When I was done with the entire run of The Sopranos a month and a half later I was hungry for something new, something good and something that didn't make the Jersey shore look so cool, so I asked my lady love if she had any suggestions and when she brought up "Summer Heights High" this time around I was all for it and promptly moved the entire series to the top of the Netflix queue. When it arrived at our doorstep a couple of days later I didn't know what to expect, the only summary the love of my life could give me was "well it's one guy, he plays the three main characters, and it is Australian, I thought it was hysterical, but I didn't watch that much of it" I'm paraphrasing of course, but that is the gist of it right there. I honestly thought I'd just agreed to watch a performance art piece from Down Under about the ecstasy and agony of growing up in the Australian public school system; well, I was way, way off.

"Summer Heights High," is, at best, the type of show that covers the entire spectrum of human emotion while remaining firmly grounded in its comedy roots. It is shot in the faux-documentary style that is quickly becoming cliched, but it is not detrimental to any area of the show, and in fact provides the perfect setting for getting to know the three main characters, all of which are played brilliantly by the show's creator, Chris Lilley. And, it is the three main characters that make the show utterly brilliant... seriously, it's incredible to watch one guy play three different people with such vastly different personalities and mannerisms... because they are at first these wholly goofy characters that seem ready made for wacky, flamboyant and slapstickish physical TV comedy, but as the show begins to unfold so do the characters themselves and you start to realize how good it all really is.

From Left: Chris Lilley, Chris Lilley and Chris Lilley
From Left: Jonah, Ja'mie and Mr. G

Okay, the picture I posted above may not be the best representation of Chris Lilley's ability to slip into "Summer Heights High's" main characters, because it is only a visual representation, but you really do need to watch the show to get the full effect, because at the beginning when the viewer first meets Mr. G he comes off as your average, every day super flamboyant homosexual drama teacher with a penchant for nabbing the spotlight for himself as long as it doesn't interrupt his nihilism. But, as the show moves from episode to episode Lilley wisely stays within the walls of the fictional high school and slowly reveals Mr. G's aspirations and dreams and how he came to be part of the Summer Heights High faculty, and before you know it you really feel for the guy, despite the fact that he's obviously an ego maniacal, power hungry show off that wants nothing more than to have the attention of everyone in the room at all times no matter what room he is in. Not to mention one of his students (and, oddly a good friend it appears) is a boy with Down Syndrome named Toby who aspires to be (and eventually gets the chance) Mr. G. It is really a lot more touching than it sounds, trust me, you have no choice.

Mr. G, as amazing as he is, is only the anchor that keeps the show in place, because he is an adult and his age and station in life allows him the opportunity to be the "constant" to the shows teenaged characters, Jonah and Ja'mie who are, for better or worse, stuck in the teenage hell that is figuring out where you fit in, so they are always up to something, always changing, where Mr. G is always up to one thing (making himself a star) and never really veers off course. Now, it should be said that both Jonah and Ja'mie have their very own cliques and each is, of course, the leader of that group, but, man they couldn't be further apart on the personality and social scale that rules high school with an ugly, iron fist.

Jonah Takalua is the "problem child" of Summer Heights High, and it doesn't help that he is from the Pacific island of Tonga; which, and I didn't know this before, is a problem. Islanders are not treated well in the universe of "Summer Heights High," to the point where even the teachers have a bias against them. In a scene early in the season, Jonah and his friends walk into class just a little bit late and the super bitchy teacher I want to kick in the stomach says "oh, look who decided to show up, if it isn't the islander boys." Written out like that it looks harmless, but to hear this f_cking shrew of a woman say it is infuriating. Anyway, Jonah isn't the smartest kid in the world, but he is one of the biggest and so has spent the majority of his life using his size to intimidate his way around the social hierarchy of school life. He is on the outside, but he is also on the inside because he could kick some ass if he had to... this is all first episode stuff. After a few episodes you start to get the sense that Jonah isn't just a prick because he's big and bored with school, and you find out that he has some serious learning problems which are, I believe, the root of his frustration. But, let's be honest, we all knew kids like that growing up and they were dicks. Still, Jonah becomes the character that makes you cry, he is the only member of the show that makes you, the viewer, feel every single emotion you can think of and then some. It is truly amazing to watch, and yes, you will be in tears at the end of the last episode, so be warned.

And then there's Ja'mie. Shrill, annoying, petulant, spoiled Ja'mie. I have never in my entire life hated a 16 year old girl as much as I hate Ja'mie; which means Chris Lilley f_cking nails his portrayal of the private school girl who volunteered for the exchange program that would send the top student at Summer Heights High to Ja'mie's private school for a year, because it would make Ja'mie look good. Reader, let me tell you something I'm not proud of: I have, many, many times forgotten that Ja'mie is not really a 16 year old spoiled b_tch. While watching the show I find myself thinking and saying aloud to my embarrassment "if that girl is anything like that in real lif... of f_ck it's a guy, right, right... man he's good at playing a 16 year old girl... that's pretty creepy... ah she's such a b_tch!" Ja'mie is the worst kind of girl you knew in high school, because she's the one who knows she's hot (not really, but in the context of the show she's supposed to be, play along now kids), knows she has more money than everyone else, and wants absolutely nothing more than be popular and pretty for the rest of her life, so that's exactly how she is, and she'll do anything to get what she wants. Ja'mie goes so far as to throw a fake AIDS fundraiser, so her and her friends can afford to throw a formal dance. She routinely calls her public school friends "povo" (which is like saying "poor redneck" in the states), "skanks," "triad asian," and pretty much any derogatory name in the book. She doesn't win her battles with kindness, she scares away the competition with b_tchiness, but, as usual Chris Lilley has layered this little girl so well that you start to see the chinks in her armor pretty early on, but unlike Jonah and Mr. G, you never feel bad for Ja'mie. She. Is. The. Worst. And, the show is infinitely better for it. You do need a villain, after all.

"Summer Heights High" is no longer on HBO and there will most likely be no future episodes, and that is the way it should be. The 8 episodes of the only season are some of the best television I've ever had the opportunity to watch and any additional episodes would likely ruin the experience. I can't tell you how much of an impact the show has on your emotional and mental state, because I'm assuming it will be a different for everyone, but it is the experience that matters. As much as I love "30 Rock," "The Office," "Fawlty Towers," "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and a whole host of other television shows that I could have inducted into the "I like you..." hall of fame, I chose "Summer Heights High," because in my humble opinion, the world would be better off with a little more Mr. G and a little less Jim Halpert.

Congratulations on your induction into the "I Like You..." hall of fame, as usual you will not be receiving a free t-shirt.

I Like You... Maria Bamford

"I like you..." is a recurring section of "Where the Wild Things Were Last Thursday Around 8" which highlights the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the people, places and things that make each and every day a little more bearable just because they happen to exist.

I can't believe it took me this long to get around to electing a stand-up comedian to the "I Like You..." hall of fame, and I really can't believe it took me this long to elect a woman. So, I'm pleased to announce that the newest member of the "I Like You..." hall of fame is none other than the mistress of a million voices and the funniest f_cking female comedian I've ever seen, Maria Bamford.

You're welcome, World.

There's a good chance you've never heard of Maria Bamford, or Morgan Murphy or any number of super talented, super funny female comics working right now, because being a female stand-up comedian is incredibly difficult. I don't know why, because the funniest person I ever knew (my mother) was a woman, and no one makes me laugh harder or more often than my girlfriend, so why is it that female comedians are treated like second class citizens in the comedy world? Are we really still stuck in a "men only" vortex of comedy that gave us such talented individuals as Dane Cook or Larry the Cable Guy? No, that can't be right. Sarah Silverman is almost a bonafide celebrity these days, so what gives? Do you have to be a potty mouthed brunette with a fetish for making people feel awkward to succeed in comedy as a woman? Or would the general public rather watch a dumpy, balding middle aged man rant about politics and his barren sex life for 20 minutes at a time? Honestly, I'm asking you, my reader to tell me what the f_ck is going on, because this just can't stand. I truly believe that some of the funniest comedians of all time have been women. Lucille Ball, Phyllis Diller, Rita Rudner, Ellen Degeneres, Roseanne and any number of the other women who made a name for themselves in what was largely a boys club. (Full disclosure: I hate Whoopi Goldberg with a passion, but it has nothing to do with her being a woman, and everything to do with the lack of comedy that takes place in her "act") So why isn't Maria breathtakingly famous right now? Why isn't she hosting her own day time talk show battling Oprah and Ellen for ratings? I don't know if there will ever be an answer to that question that actually makes sense.

I don't want to get into an overly long discussion about sexism in the comedy world, because this is not the time or the place. This is when I'm honoring Maria Bamford for her contributions to the world of comedy. So, without going into too much detail, I'd just like to point out that Ms. Bamford is more than a slew of silly voices, warped characters and odd songs. She's a stellar performer and an incredibly intelligent and subversive writer. Why not take a look for yourself?

She's awesome right? I mean, look how seemlessly she slips from one voice to the next. You've got to be quick to keep up with Maria's quirk, because if you blink you might miss something beautiful. Her transitions are, in my opinion, the best in the business. They are not quite non-sequiturs, but they're definitely disjointed, and somehow everything flows so naturally it makes me wonder what special kind of mental disorder Maria has that allows her to control the voices in her head with such effortless grace. I know when I'm on stage I say "uhm" more than I should and my go to line when I'm stuck between bits is "what else," and let me tell you, when you're an audience member and a guy like me is sputtering out a bunch of poorly written jokes that are even more poorly performed, its infuriating at worst and annoying as hell at best. Guys like me, the hacks of the comedy world, are peanuts compared to the brilliant mind of Maria Bamford.

I'm positive that if you put me in a room with my current comedy heroes (Patton Oswalt, Zach Galifianakis, David Cross, Eugene Mirman, Brian Posehn, Dana Gould etc.) not only would I be awed by their presence, but the only one I would be nervous about talking to would be Maria Bamford. I don't know that I could keep up with her. I don't know whether or not I would try to make some zany comment that would derail the conversation and set it into a sh_t spiral of awkward pauses and disgrunteld sighs, because I'd most likely try to recite her act back to her and explain why it is so damn good. With that I'm going to make the election of Maria Bamford in the "I Like You..." hall of fame officail.

As usual, Ms. Bamford, you can expect a complimentary "I like you..." hall of fame t-shirt* within the next 6-8 weeks. Thank you for everything you've done for comedy in general and for the countless times you've made me laugh. Mark my words, madame, your time will come and the entire world will know your name.

*there will be no t-shirt

An Open Letter to Robin Williams

An Open Letter to Robin Williams.

Dear Mr. Williams,

Hi, how are you? Oh, I'm fine, and thank you for asking, but this really isn't the type of letter that is going to be of a familiar or congenial tone, because I've just read that you've been asked to portray Susan Boyle in an upcoming movie about her life. Speaking for no one other than myself and a handful of people I'm happy to call my friends, I'd like to ask if you could, please, turn this one down. To quote the anti-drug television commercials of my youth, "Just say no!"

I know, I know, it would be a chance for you to stretch your acting chops in a direction they've never been stretched before, but if it's handled incorrectly it could end up playing out as a miserable sequel to "Mrs. Doubtfire." ("Doubtfire 2: Doubtfirerer", or, possibly "Mrs. Doubtfire 2: Doubt Harder") Do you really want to be associated with something that has so much going for it in the wrong direction? I'd like to think that you don't, but from what I can tell you've already started practicing "I Dreamed a Dream" in front of your friends. Man, that is just sad.

I understand that when a man of your stature gets to a certain point in his life and has gone through the trials and tribulations that you have its easy to get inspired by almost anything that looks remotely inspirational. But, this, my one time idol, is not that inspiring. Just because the music scene of today is overcrowded with uppity sex symbols singing pop songs on auto-tune doesn't mean the world needs to gush over a frumpy Brit with a legit set of pipes. For the love of Dog, man, it's not like she was blind, battled drug addiction or even had a severe mental illness to overcome; she's just, you know, not that great to look at.

"Hi, how are you? I'm a genius. Have a nice day."

I personally have nothing against Ms. Boyle and the fame that she has garnered from appearing on "Britain's Got Talent," but do I think her life story deserves an over the top, Hollywood style biography? No, I don't, and neither should you, Mr. Williams. Is it really all that awe inspiring for a dowdy looking woman of some talent to finally get a break on one of the biggest television shows in the U.K? Need I remind you of the one time Ruben Studdard chaos that swept over America when he was voted the winner of "American Idol" all those years ago? What's he been up to lately? Other than eating Cheetos and wishing he was Clay Aiken, I'd wager Mr. Studdard has done very little with the "charmed" life he was given since winning "American Idol." Does that make him any less talented? Not at all, he is for sure capable of singing songs, but, would I pay $8 to go to the local multi-plex to watch Denzel Washington portray him in a blockbuster biopic? F_ck no! It's just not that interesting.

Denzel Washington in "I Ain't Done Sh_t: The Ruben Studdard Movie"

Mr. Williams, again, I'd like to implore you to turn down this role. It will not be good for anyone involved. You're already catching flak for "insulting Ms. Boyle" by merely being cast in the movie (she's a woman, by the way, and you, sir, are a man). You haven't even shot a promotional still for the movie and people are up in arms over the decision, so imagine what it is going to be like when you don the drag and go parading about as SuBo in all her frumpy glory? I don't think I need to explain to you that people tend to get a little agitated when their favorite quasi-celebrities are made fun of( "leave Brittany Alone!" Anyone?), even if it is by accident, so why put yourself in that position? I'm not saying you wouldn't do a tremendous job, but hey, why take the risk? Everyone and their cousin knows a movie can be ruined in post-production when the studio steps in with their notes and their 'sposedahs and their audience polling, so even your most brilliant performance could get chopped down to nothing more than a musical farce of damning proportions. Sir, you are better than that.

Okay, I might be coming on a little strong, but let me just say that I still have the highest possible hopes for you and your career. As much as I feign to despise you, I secretly envy you and your ability to make audiences laugh out loud. So, I'm offering up this simple solution to the Susan Boyle quagmire that has presented itself: Let's see how "World's Greatest Dad" plays out before contracts are finalized and you are committed to appearing in a worthless pile of drek that would be the signal light for the end of your amazing career. So far the buzz generated by "World's Greatest Dad" has been positive despite the fact that it contains some risque material that is usually reserved for movies of a more hardcore nature. C'mon, man! I know how good you are, and I know you are going to knock this movie out of the mother f_cking park and for some reason my uneducated, un-credentialed and unappealing mind seems to think that if all goes according to plan you're going to be recognized by the Academy and at the very least get another nomination. I'm still not sure how you were overlooked for "Insomnia," but "World's Greatest Dad" could right that wrong! Think about it, man! You could be the king of the world again. The toast of the town, even. And, why not? You deserve it because you are just that good. Sh_t, you even made "Death to Smoochy" watchable, you can do anything, but this SuBo Bio is going to wreck you, sir.

Now, my comedy snob friends out there are probably going to give me an atomic wedgie for pleading with you to come to your senses, because it's chic in their world to hate on you as often as possible. They see you as a one trick motor mouthed pony with nothing left in the tank. They think you fell off the face of the Earth years ago and no one should bother pulling you back in, but I am not them. I begrudgingly felt the full force of a table full of stand-up comics telling me I'm an idiot for defending you, but I never back down. I, unlike so many others, would never walk off stage because you entered a room and would be happy, nay PROUD, if you saw fit to use some of my material without my permission. After all, you're not blatantly stealing like Carlos Mencia, you just can't control what comes into your mind and how it comes out of your mouth and I dig that. Also: You are ROBIN WILLIAMS.

I know I kind of trashed you in a previous post I wrote about you, sir, but I was trying to get a cheap laugh and I'm not a good enough writer to have conveyed what I truly feel without it coming off as weird. I thought I saved it by explaining the only reason I started to dislike you was because I'm an ass, but after re-reading that post I realize it's just a brush off and an easy way to end a sentence that should've been more carefully thought out. The truth is, Mr. Williams, you still are an inspiration to me, and even at your age with a monkey valve in your heart you could still beat the living sh_t out of me in a fight. You are still funnier than 90% of the people out their who make jokes for a living, and I'd be willing to trade in all my hipster cred to defend that point. I don't care if David Cross hates me for liking you, because he's kind of a prick anyway. I don't care if Zach Galifianakis thinks I'm a loser, because... well okay that one would hurt a little, but still, I'd be willing to trumpet your prowess no matter whose company I kept.

I'm from a different era, sir, and as much as I claim to be inspired by and influenced by the contemporary group of comedians working the circuit today, it was you, Mr. Williams that kick started my comedy bug. If you weren't doing stand up when I was a little boy I never would've sought out Andy Kaufman, George Carlin or Richard Pryor. I can never thank you enough for opening that door for me, so please, one more time, don't take the part of Susan Boyle. Please please please please please please please please please reconsider... unless of course they offer you some exorbitant amount of money (nothing less than $20 million to keep your dignity) then by all means, go ahead and do it. Hell, even the king of hipster d-bag comedians, David Cross, was in "Alvin and the Chipmunks," because they paid him a sh_t-Ton of money. So, I can't fault you there, but if this is an art house piece and you're getting paid scale to trot around in drag to tell the tale of a mono-browed Scot that is your fault for committing to it, sir. For that I will eventually forgive you, but it's going to take time for myself and the movie going public to gather up the eye bleach required to sanitize the image of you playing Susan Boyle from our minds. Think about it, okay? That's all I'm asking. Just think about it and when you're done thinking about it think about it some more, because hopefully you'll come to the same conclusion I have and you just won't do it.

Thank you for your time and for all the years of entertainment.

Yours Truly,

Jimbolaya


p.s- nice job on Conan a little while back, you made the other interview ( I won't name names because it was a British judge from a very, very popular reality show (not "Idol")) sufferable, it was really nice to hear you laughing again. -J

*UPDATE* As of this morning, according to Mr. Williams' representatives via a NPR broadcast I heard on my way into work, R-Dub will NOT be playing the role of Susan Boyle in an upcoming movie about her life. You can read all about it here. Sorry for taking you down the forbidden path of false information and immediate reaction, reader, I swear it will only happen almost daily.