CoCo? No Mo.

First, we here at "Where the Wild Things Were Last Thursday Around 8" would like to extend our heartfelt condolences to Conan O'Brien, Andy Richter, Max Weinberg and the rest of the cast and crew of the recently disassembled Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. As most of my generation would hopefully admit, Conan O'Brien is and always will be our late night talk show host, and even though the format has become something of an afterthought to the coveted 18-39 age demographic that at one time fueled the late night ratings, it has become obvious to me that when Generations X and Y are called upon to show our support, we will do so in droves. Sadly, however, it was too little too late and Mr. O'Brien's far too brief a stint as the host of The Tonight Show has come to an end.

I wanted to wait until everything played out before I made any comments about the events of the past two weeks, because an overly optimistic part of me still believed that maybe - just maybe - NBC, Jay Leno and Conan would come to their senses and do the right thing; which, of course, didn't happen. Mr. Leno will be returning to The Tonight Show and Mr. O'Brien has been cut loose to do whatever he pleases - as long as it happens seven months from now - which, honestly, could be a good thing for everyone involved.

Conan, whom I have adored since I was old enough to stay up and watch Late Night with Conan O'Brien in the mid-90's, is not an ordinary late night host by any stretch of the imagination. Consider some of his most beloved characters like the "masturbating bear," the "horny manatees" and, his most famous co-creation, "Triumph the Insult Comic Dog," and it's obvious to even the casual observer that Mr. O'Brien's unique brand of comedy is not for everyone; which was part of the problem during his seven month tenure as host of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien.

Older audiences tuning in hoping to hear familiar monologues with made-to-order jokes were not ready for the rubber faced funnyman to hop around the stage string-dancing while doing a horrible, yet uproarious, impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Nor were they prepared to give Conan much of a chance, and, hey, I don't blame them. After nearly 20 years of the most watered down late night comedy possible (which, by the way, regularly trumped CBS' much more "edgy" (yeah, right the Top Ten Lists are now "edgy) David Letterman in the ratings war) why would viewers stick around for such a bizarre spectacle of silliness when all they want is to be told the same joke they thought of earlier that day while reading an article about Amy Winehouse? Even though NBC was hoping for Conan to tap into the highly sought after 18-39 year old demographic, it was as if they forgot that historically, that age group could care less about The Tonight Show, and once word leaked that NBC had asked Mr. O'Brien to "water down" his format to meet the needs of a broader audience most of us thought "well, there that goes," and after a few weeks of a very tame Conan, decided their late night viewing would be better spent elsewhere.

I blame myself and the generation I am a part of for the lack of support CoCo had up until his last two weeks of the show - which saw ratings sky rocket into unknown, late night territory - because we, more than any other group of people, should have been ready to watch and accept whatever television show Mr. O'Brien put forth to the general public, but we didn't. Instead, as is the usual with Generations X and Y, we got snarky almost immediately and dismissed Mr. O'Brien's efforts just as quickly; which is surprising when you consider Conan was a writer during the best seasons of The Simpsons and was almost unanimously adored by the same people who refused to watch him at 11:35 when he hosted Late Night with Conan O'Brien at 12:35. It's not that we didn't watch at all, mind you, it's that we didn't watch enough. I looked forward to my daily hour with Conan and crew, but it appears that I am in the minority and that frustrates me to no end.

I don't understand why people are so unwilling to accept the type of comedy that Conan O'Brien excels in; which is to say brilliant but silly at the same time. Especially after decades of Monty Python worship and the recent popularity boost seen by another smart-but-silly show named 30 Rock which capitalizes on the most absurd aspects of humor so keenly it almost seems realistic. Ah, but is that really the case? Turns out, what I thought would be more than stellar ratings after three straight years of taking home multiple Emmy awards and nominations that 30 Rock would be one of the most watched television shows going right now, but, oddly, it's not. Perhaps I am not as intuitive as I once believed, or maybe it goes back to that old political saying when the candidate you didn't vote for wins an election and, astonished, you proclaim "but everyone I know voted for him!" Could the niche that I live in be so tiny that it's co-inhabited by such a small amount of people? I mean, if 30 Rock wins any more Emmy's they are going to have to name the award after Tina Fey, but where are the viewers, and if they don't start showing up soon is NBC going to pull the plug? What about other NBC comedies I adore like Parks and Recreation, Community and The Office? How long will it be before the hatchet men set their gaze upon the best two hours of network comedy going right now? If what has happened with The Tonight Show is any indication it won't be that long before all my favorite shows are feeling the heat from their corporate overloads to do away with their specialized style of humor and open up to a broader audience. I shudder at the thought of Tracy Jordan being reigned in to accommodate the tastes of an audience that, if they haven't started watching already, most likely won't be watching NBC at 9:30 on Thursday's anyway. What about Parks and Recreation? That show, like The Office before it, is building a fan base slowly but surely with some of the strongest writing, performance and comedy I've had the pleasure of watching, but the ratings are down right abysmal by primetime comedy standards. Does this mean I should absorb as much Ron Swanson as is humanly possible over the next few months just in case P&R gets the axe due to low ratings at the end of year? Probably.

There was a time, way back before I can remember, when fledgling shows were given a chance to develop an audience and a voice, tone, structure and style over a period of time with the hopes that critical acclaim, or sheer force of will, would draw in an audience - any audience really-, but those days have passed us by, and the almighty "instant gratification" is what's required for networks to give shows breathing room to develop. Without that patience, and faith a little show about nothing named Seinfeld would have never been given the chance to flourish in it's second and third seasons the way it did after it's first season was, well, less than a stirring success. Now look at it, it's one of the most successful television shows of all time and when it debuted it registered as nothing more than a "blip" on most viewer's nightly radar. What about The Simpsons? The longest running animated sitcom in the history of the world went head to head against The Cosby Show when it first started gaining in popularity, and even though it didn't win week in and week it out, Fox never panicked, and let the show do what it was doing, and lo and behold, 20+ years later The Simpsons is still on the air and Bill Cosby is nowhere to be seen (well, on television at least).

That all being said, and as sad as I am to see Conan O'Brien leave The Tonight Show in order to make way for Jay Leno, I am not surprised at all by what transpired and, in fact, once I heard of the plummeting ratings for Mr. Leno's show and Mr. O'Brien's show, I knew something was going to happen. I just had no idea that the lead in (Mr. Leno's show) that continued to see it's ratings dwindle to the point of embarrassment, causing viewers to tune into other nightly news broadcasts on other networks in the process, would be the show getting the star treatment. From my perspective it all seems backwards. If the problem was a drop in ratings due to Mr. Leno's unsuccessful nightly experiment at 10:00, why did the network think it would be best to pander to Leno and not O'Brien? I suppose it would be best to look at Mr. Leno's overall success at 11:35; which, as much as I loathe the man right now, was substantially impressive. For all his faults, Mr. Leno does indeed strike a chord with the older demographic of viewers who love his "headlines" and his "Jay Walking," and I can't really say they are any more to blame than I am for having a strong affinity for watching Mr. O'Brien' s oft repeated "In the Year 3000" sketch. To each his own. Still, the logic behind the decision boggles my mind if it's based on traditional network maneuvering.

Jay Leno's show was getting hammered in the ratings. This led to more and more viewers changing the channel away from NBC on a nightly basis, and those same viewers were not changing the channel back to NBC to watch the evening news; which means those same viewers were most likely not watching The Tonight Show, which accounts for it's ratings failure, or at least that's how I see it. From what I understand, a "lead-in" show with high ratings is a sure fire way to ensure that any show following it will have a large "carry-over" audience that boosts ratings. This is why the show following American Idol every week always has ridiculously high ratings (even if it's terrible). The same can be applied to shows following Monday Night Football, The World Series or any other high profile event that is sure to draw in an audience almost despite itself. So, with that in mind, wouldn't it have made sense to do away with Leno instead of O'Brien? Evidently not.

Evidently, the powers that be over at NBC are much more committed to making Jay Leno happy than they are making Conan O'Brien happy, but to be fair they tried to come up with a solution that both men would agree to, the only problem is one of them didn't. I thought, after watching Mr. O'Brien for fifteen years or so that he would have accepted the shift, made light of it and continued on. I had no idea Big Red would show the gumption and integrity he did when he penned his now infamous letter declaring he would not accept the move to 12:05. It's what most of us would dream of doing in the face of such corporate mishandling, and it's something that I applaud Conan for doing. He showed guts and determination and a boat load of forethought. Mr. O'Brien knew it wouldn't be The Tonight Show as he had come to understand and adore it, but some bastardized version of the most successful franchise in television history that would be nothing more than a hamhanded attempt to fit too much TV into an hour and a half. ~sigh~ Still, I wish it hadn't happened and that I had Conan's goofy face to look forward to tonight and for many years to come.

I'm sure Conan O'Brien will end up on one station or another in September when he is literally free to go where he wants, and I hope, deep down, that the people who didn't tune in to NBC to see him nightly will follow him to whichever network he lands on. I know it's wishful thinking on my part, because who knows what will happen in the next seven months? I don't. I'm the guy who thought he was going to have at least a decade to settle in at 11:35 every night and watch one of the funniest, most endearing men on television do his thing, and look where that's got me.

In closing, Mr. O'Brien will be back and better than ever and he will have my support and the support of millions of people just like me who thought what happened to him was tragically absurd. I wish he and his crew the best over the coming days, weeks and months that I am positive will be incredibly difficult. As always, I will forever be a member of "Team CoCo," and to cop a phrase from Mr. O'Brien himself, "please, don't be cynical... work hard and be kind and you will achieve things you've never dreamed of." Truer words have never been spoken.

Thanks for the years of laughs, Mr. O'Brien. These next seven months are going to be a bear... a "masturbating bear" if you will.

TV Has Taught Me Evertyhing I Know

I've been sitting on this post for a while now, because I wanted to take the time to think about it, because it means more to me than any of my previous entries. Why? Because I love TV. I honestly and truly love television shows almost as much as I love some of my cousins (they just don't get me, man), and I'm not sure why, because I don't think about it. I just throw myself into a TV show and let the writers, actors, producers and networks do the rest. It's not that I'm lazy or have a lack of imagination that demands everything be shown to me, and it's not because I hate reading like so many other members of my generation seem to. I love reading. I love being creative and I love taking my dog for a good walk when I get home from a long day of pretending to work, but nothing makes the day more worth it than knowing I can escape into a different world for 22 or 43 minutes at a time (unless it's HBO/Showtime, in which case 28-60 minutes is appropriate).

I don't discriminate in my programming tastes. I'll watch anything from "Dr. Who" to NOVA specials on PBS, from "Monty Python" to "The Soup," it doesn't matter as long as it isn't "American Idol," or "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." The most important lessons I've learned in life, aside from ones that actually take place in the real world (not the TV show), have come from various TV Shows I've watched over the years. I have an urge to pass along the most important items to you, my dear reader, with the hope that what I've learned will resonate with you and help to change your life for the better, so without further adieu, I present to you: "Jimbolaya's Guide to Life, As Learned From T.V." A TV Guide to Life, if you will.

1- "Never go with a hippie to a second location." - Jack Donaghy/Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock. Have truer words ever been spoken? How many times have you found yourself enjoying a conversation with a hippie? Probably often, they are enjoyable people and their perspective on life is often times hilariously innocent and optimistic(not to mention they are really easy to f_ck with). Oh, you and your new hippie friend probably had a grand old time talking about philosophy and patchouli or whatever the f_ck hippies talk about, and then it all comes crashing down the instant you move to a second location. Say you were talking at a coffee shop or a bar and your hippie buddy asks if you want to move to another coffee shop or bar (depending where you started, it's the natural chain of hippie events: bar to coffee shop/coffee shop to bar, they don't care as long as they can sit down and hold something). Suddenly you find that your new "friend" is a complete idiot with a trust fund/inheritance from a dead aunt, and no sense of reality. Those "interesting" points he/she made earlier are not at all interesting any more, because in the harsh light of reality they just don't hold up. Besides, if you're talking to a guy who spent 6 months of the past year traveling around the country watching Phish and Phish cover bands, you have to start wondering when he/she is going to ask for money or a spot on your couch. That's how they work, they charm you with their dreadlocks and their carefree, whatever happens, happens attitude, but when it comes down to it they're still the same group of people who use peace and love as an excuse not to work.

2 - "To Alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." Homer Simpson/Dan Castellaneta, The Simpsons. I expect "The Simpsons" will play a large part in this guide, because I am part of Generation Homer. The lucky horde of 20-somethings that have seen every episode of "The Simpsons" since they were barely in grade school when it started airing 20-something years ago and, in doing so, have gained valuable knowledge about life, the universe and everything. That said, Homer hit this one right on the nose when he proudly proclaimed that alcohol is the cause and solution to all of life's problems, because it most certainly is. How many times have you argued with your best friend after one too many only to make up with him/her over one too many a few days later? It happens more often than you realize, but when it comes down to it, the wonderful side effect of imbibing alcoholic beverages is the be all and end all of coping mechanisms (and it's organic... sort of). No other substance on Earth manages to subdue your inhibitions quite like alchol; which is a double edged sword. You can say something nice to the girl you've never had the courage to say something nice to before, or you can say something nasty to your boss at the Christmas party because you took two shots of liquid courage in the break room with the IT guys (they know how to party). It works both ways and should be respected (possibly deified) for all the good it does and all the pain it causes, because there is nothing else like it in the world.

3- "Live together, or die alone." - Jack Shepherd/Matthew Fox, Lost - I am now, unfortunately, one of the millions of people in the world that is uncontrollably addicted to "Lost," but, aside from the mind blowing mysteries of the island and all the plot lines that twist in and out of the show and the loose ends that better get tidied up by this time next fall, "Lost" is truly a show about the good that comes of people working together for a common goal. Jack (my least favorite character on the show, by the way) sums it up beautifully in season 1 when he rallies the troops with what will soon become the Lostie motto. In one terrific sentence, Jack wraps up the most overlooked aspect of the human condition; which is our ability to be so selfish that we forget we need other people to live happily, and in doing so helped prompt a group of strangers who had no reason to trust each other to start working as a unit to make sure they had enough food, water and shelter to live on (what seemed to be) an undiscovered island with a monster on it. It's motivational without being overly dramatic and sentimental, and if you're ever in a situation where you're not sure what to do with yourself, just think "live together, die alone," and go find someone to help out. Trust me, it works.

4- "Even a broken clock is right twice a day." - Tony Soprano/James Gandolfini, The Sopranos. I know, I know, it's an old saying that has been around forever and I probably heard my grandma or grandpa say it once or twice, but who listens to their grandparents? When Tony Soprano speaks you and I have no choice but to stop what we're doing and pay attention (because he might have you clipped), and when Tony decides to pop off a piece of Jersey Shore wisdom like the line up above, you and I have no choice but to take it to heart (because, and this is important, he might murder you). When Tony says "even a broken clock is right twice a day" it's an insult directed at his retarded, camel nosed nephew Christopher, but when you stop and think about it, it's a great piece of advice and a helpful reminder that even the most "broken clocks" (meaning stupid people) among us are right from every once in a while. So, the next time the secretary at work with an annoying voice and a hair cut from last century is trying to make a point about the way you file your TPS reports, pay attention, she might be right.

5- "Oh, she thinks I'm too critical. That's another fault of hers." - Lucille Bluth/Jessica Walters, Arrested Development. Thank God for Lucille Bluth. I mean that, right now, if you are reading this say a prayer in thanks for Lucille, because there has never been a character like her on TV, and there never will be again. It's times like these when I'm reflecting on the important lessons I've learned in my life that I'm truly thankful for "Arrested Development," and the infinite amount of laughs it's given me, but Lucille always made me laugh the most. It's precisely the type of super-ego comment like the one above, that each and every one of us can learn from, that makes Lucille such a great character that stands head and shoulders above her fellow cast mates. Each of us, from time to time, needs to be impervious to insults or else we get too caught up in damage control and changing who we are for the sake of pleasing others. Lucille doesn't do that. She's fully embraced herself and has no problem sloughing off a barb from Lindsay, Michael or Gob. It's not that she doesn't care (well, she probably doesn't care now that I think about it), but she knows it's not going to change a damn thing, so why pay attention to it? It's their fault anyway, they brought it up.

6- "A ceremony doesn't have to be long to be effective." Alf, ALF. I don't remember much about "ALF," but what I do remember (the titular character's affinity for eating cats) has stuck with me for a long, long time. That said, the best wedding I've ever been to lasted less than 25 minutes, and believe me, it was effective. The preacher/priest got up to the altar, said some gibberish about love and marriage, there were rings and vows and before I could say an "Our Father" it was over and the loving couple were married. Perfect. I grew up Catholic so I know about overly long ceremonies (a 2 hour long Christmas service really makes you wonder if it's all worth it), and as a child I always knew, deep down, that church would be more effective if it lasted half as long, because God doesn't care if you spend an hour dressed up, worshiping, because he's God, he's got other things to take care of. So, why not parse it down to the necessary bits and move on so you can go out and get on with your life? This goes double for you, graduation ceremonies, because after 4 years of hard work to get to that point, everybody in the audience just wants to get it over with. Next time you're planning a wedding, think about what Alf said, and if that's not enough, imagine how much more time you'll get to spend at the open bar if the service ended earlier.

7 - "You always go with your gut. How about for once you listen to your brain." - Marge Simpson/Julie Kavner, The Simpsons. Instincts are overrated. Instincts, when listened to perpetually and without question, can be a real pain in the ass, because they are leftovers from a time when humans were, more or less, animals that had to use their most basic urges in order to survive. Now, in 2009, we have far too many tools at our disposal to warrant listening to your inner caveman (unless you are facing up to a T-Rex, and then by all means, instinct away). For thousands of years philosophers have been trying to tell us we need to stop and think about what we do and how we do it. We can't always rely on a gut reaction to give us the best outcome for every situation. However, we do need to use our instincts from time to time, but we need to be selective about it. For example; if you're walking down the street and a guy is heading your way wearing a trench coat with a menacing look on your face, it's a good idea to follow your gut across the street, because, hell he might mug you, flash you or ask for spare change, but if you take the time to think about it, he's probably just a guy walking down the street, just like you, and he might think you're about to mug him. So, be selective about listening to your gut, it might make all the difference in the world.

8- "If I see you touch that kid again, I'm going to stick my fist through your chest." - Tim Riggins/Taylor Kitsch, Friday Night Lights. Okay, aside from being a criminally under watched show, "Friday Night Lights" is a vivid portrayal of what life is like in a small town that happens to be obsessed with high school football, and behind all the drama and struggle lies something deeper. It's rare to see a community that actually cares about itself on TV these days, but the good folks of Dillon, Texas are, at all times, trying to do what's right by everyone else (even if that means hurting someone in the process, unfortunately) and there is no better example of this ethos than Tim Riggins. Riggins will do whatever it takes to protect what he loves, and you know he's not lying when he says he's going to put his fist through someone's chest, because he will (I've seen it!) if it means saving someone else from getting hurt. We should all take this to heart, because we try so hard to remain on the periphery of everyone's lives without interfering that we forget that we actually need to step up and do something if the situation demands it. We can't shuffle along happily ignoring the guy who beats his kid, we have to notice it and do something about it or else it all goes to sh_t.

9- "They could at least lie to us. You know, call us and lie! We don't want to sit here like schmucks. A lie is a gesture, it's a courtesy, it's a little respect. This is very disrespectful. ." Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm It came to my attention, just the other night actually, that I may be a little too honest. I might tell it like it is a little too much, because oftentimes I overlook the necessity of lying. While I don't think anyone should ever lie and that everyone should be as honest about what they're feeling or thinking, sometimes a lie just works better. If you don't want to go out to dinner with a couple of old friends because you're tired, you can't just call up and say "I don't feel like it," you have to give them an excuse, because "I don't feel like it" is going to piss them off. But, if you come up with a little, white lie and say "I'm not feeling well, I think something's going around work, I was really looking forward to seeing you guys," even if they suspect you're lying, at least they know you made an effort not to hurt their feelings. Still, if it were up to me everyone we'd be honest all the time, no matter who they offended in the process, but, a lie is sometimes exactly what the doctor ordered... as long as it's not a huge, life consuming lie, just the little ones that don't hurt anyone.

I expect this list of wisdom will continue to grow, but for now this is enough to pass along, or at least it's some of the more important stuff... stay tuned.