At first I found it morally and ethically reprehensible to put together a "best of list" of any kind because, to be honest, my experiences in the world at large are few and far between. That's not to say I haven't had my fair share of adventures (I haven't) or made too many memories to count (I haven't), but I lack the worldly wisdom that many of my peers have garnered over their brief but exciting lives. For example, I've never left North America, and the furthest away I've traveled from Rochester, NY is Austin, TX for mandatory job training; which, according to many of my friends and relatives, is unusual and sad, but I wouldn't want it any other way. If I were a globetrotting vagabond I wouldn't have the vast expanse of useless knowledge at my disposal that I do now, and, more importantly, I would have been forced (due to lack of time between my travels) to miss out on some of (if not the) best television of all time.
When it comes down to it I can talk knowledgeably about 3 things and television is one of them (golf and sleep being the other 2), so after some careful thought I decided that if I were going to create any sort of "best of the decade" list, it would have to be in the realm of television, because that's what I know. Of course, one big caveat to all of this hullabaloo is that I am unable to rank television shows I have yet to see, so my list will obviously be lacking some very big shows (The Shield and The Wire stick out the most in my head) and some much loved cult classics that, unfortunately, were short lived that I still haven't been able to check out. So, I apologize for any glaring omissions from this list, and if you are really pissed off about it, please let me know and I'll do what I can to make it up to you.
Without further adieu...
10. Reaper (The CW/ABC Studios 2007-2009)
There is no doubt in my mind that had Reaper been given a chance to establish itself more thoroughly it would have finished much higher on this list, but alas, thanks to the writers strike, being on The CW and getting the axe before it had a chance to flesh out it's mythology as fully as it could have, Reaper can be added to the list of shows that never really reached its potential, but managed to have an impact on nerdy fans like me all the same. Reaper is essentially a show about how much most of us hate our jobs, and how almost every single person in the world feels trapped by responsibilities they had no hand in creating for themselves; which is why Sam Oliver (played by Bret Harrison) continues to collect escaped souls from hell for the devil even though his parents sold his soul before he was even born. Sam doesn't want to end up in hell, and he doesn't want to keep on reaping, but he does anyway, because he's out of options and no matter how hard he tries to wriggle out of his contract, there is always a road block standing in his way. Throw in a few demons, some goofy humor and the best portrayal of the Devil ever (played brilliantly by Ray Wise) and Reaper is the type of show guys like me, who can't help but relate to the pit of despair Sam found himself in every week, couldn't get enough of.
9. Flight of The Conchords (HBO, 2007-2009)
FOTC must have been a bitch to make if it's creators and stars (Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement) have decided to call it quits after only 2 brilliant seasons, but sometimes less is more, and what FOTC gave us in it's 22 episodes is enough to last me a very, very long time. Aside from their incredibly well done musical numbers (which garner the most hype and praise), FOTC is subtly very, very well written and very smart almost besides itself, and much of that is in thanks to secondary cast members like Kristen Schaal, Arj Barker, Eugene Mirman and a slew of talented, super funny guest starts that fully embraced Bret and Jemaine's lazy, hipster musician ethos and used it to their advantage in such a way that the show flat out wreaks of the uber hip neighborhoods in Brooklyn, NY and the hordes of hipsters that call them home. FOTC's portrayal of slightly off, but entirely lovable goofballs living in a world that would seemingly embrace them with open arms, but strangely doesn't, is a breath of fresh air in a universe where TV shows try to make everyone look cooler than they actually are. Also: Murray Hewitt (played by Rhys Darby) was the funniest character on TV during the shows run, and I will go to my grave defending that.
8. It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX, 2005-Present)
Some shows are just funny, and It's Always Sunny... is one of them. Sure, the plot lines are usually non-existent and all the characters on the periphery are underdeveloped, but none of that matters, because It's Always Sunny... manages to work despite all those apparent "flaws". It's Always Sunny... has a knack to make any situation the main characters find themselves in twisted, grotesque and hysterical even though the actions of "the gang" are often despicable (usually felonious as well) and riddled with debauched ideals that would never, ever be suitable for the broad comedic fare that inundates network television these days. And that's precisely why I love it so damn much. Whenever a show has the balls to abandon traditional structure and just go with it the way It's Always Sunny... has the past 4+ years and is still hilarious week after week, you have to tip your cap to it, because let's face it, it just doesn't happen very often.
7. Friday Night Lights (NBC, 2006-Present)
FNL is not about football. FNL is about much, much more than whether or not the Dillon Panthers go out and win the big game every Friday. No. Friday Night Lights is about what happens to the people of a small, Texas town when all they have to live for is the success or failure of a high school football team and how that translates into unbelievable pressure for all those directly involved with the team like the coaches, players and their friends and family; and how, at any given moment, a person's entire existence can implode in on itself without any warning at all and for utterly ridiculous reasons (in the grand scheme of things). In the middle of the entire debacle is head coach Eric Taylor (a flat out brilliant portrayal by Kyle Chandler) who serves as a conduit connecting every single situation on the show, and his wife Tami (played in another incredible performance by Connie Britton) who, no matter how dire a situation may be, always seems to make well thought out, level headed decisions that serve everyone involved. It's captivating watching the Taylors, and it's amazing to see how an entire town reacts to situations that you and I may slough off as "just one of those things," but that's the allure of FNL, it's the investigation into a world we know exists, but can't entirely understand.
6. Breaking Bad (AMC, 2008-Present)
Breaking Bad is so good it almost hurts. Seriously. Sometimes watching Breaking Bad is a painful experience that you can't rip yourself away from, because the show, more than anything else, is about ramifications. Though that may not be immediately evident upon your initial viewing, about half way through the first season it starts to become obvious that the actions of Walter and Jesse (the two main characters played by Brian Cranston and Aaron Paul, respectively) have a ripple effect that is slowly, but surely, starting to affect everyone they come into contact with, and even those they don't. From the instant Walt is diagnosed with fatal lung cancer the show jumps entirely down the rabbit hole and immerses the viewer in a f_cked up, inconsolable world of drug dealing, addiction, deceit, misplaced anger and a never ending cycle of violence and despair; and it never, ever lets up. Unlike shows and movies that have come before it and glamorized the drug trade, Breaking Bad, in it's own subtle way, forces you, the viewer, to not just contemplate the atrocious crystal meth problem facing America today and how it can so easily destroy people's lives, but to truly ask yourself that, if put in the same position as Walt and Jesse, would you do what they did? As a viewer, you never get a chance to answer, because Breaking Bad makes it painfully obvious that the road less traveled is never a short cut, but a long, winding path towards your own personal hell.
5. Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO, 2000-Present)
Larry David is a dangerous man. He says what he's thinking and doesn't care if you like what he's dishing out. It's the way he is. It's how he's always been, and God damn it I love him for it. While the show itself is a tour de force exposition on tearing down the social niceties that make so many of us act one way or the other just to get through the day without getting punched in the face (and slowly drive us insane in the process); it is Larry David's ability to unleash his id that makes him so unbelievably likable, when by all accounts he should be one of the most detested people on the planet. Larry David is the only person alive today, in my opinion, that says what we are all thinking, and the world is a better place for it. He holds up a mirror to the traditional morays we all live by and then shatters it by going in a completely different direction altogether, and in that highly specialized and confined space he manages to make each and every one of us reflect on how absurd our own predisposed notions of how we all should act really are. Why? Because he's usually right.
4. Mad Men (AMC, 2007-Present)
Style only gets you so far, and Mad Men is chock full of style; which is what initially catches your eye. You can't help but be dazzled by the accuracy of the set pieces, costumes, hairstyles and all the other minutiae that makes Mad Men so visually appealing and makes the viewer feel as if they are watching a real advertising agency from the early 60's through some kind of magic looking glass. After the awe of the visual experience wears off (about halfway through the third episode) you start to realize Mad Men is about way more than the style of a bygone era, but rather an expose into the lives of the men that used to run America, and how little by little their empire started to crumble as new ways of thinking pushed out their tired methodology and ushered in the "modern era" of not just advertising, but America in general. The shows pacing can be glacial, and sometimes you can spend an entire hour watching it without knowing what just happened or if it even meant anything, but rest assured that it does, and that the slow pace is meant to reflect the way things "used to be" when people were less rushed to get everything "right now" and information took days and weeks, not minutes, to trickle down to the world at large. If anything, Mad Men should serve as a reminder to present day America to slow down, have a drink and watch the sunset once in a while; if only because it's so damn pretty to look at.
3. Lost (ABC 2004-Present)
There is more substance in a single episode of Lost than there is in entire seasons of other similarly themed television shows. Never before has a network television series asked it's audience to be so patient as the myriad riddles, secrets and mysteries have been slowly unraveled over the course of its first 5 seasons, and with the sixth and final season quickly approaching I can only imagine how much more maddening the search for answers is going to become, but, hey, that's why I watch the damn show in the first place. It's a mystery wrapped in an enigma that I can't quite figure out, and in between all the smoke monsters and three toed statues are some of the most fully fleshed out characters on television today; which is amazing considering how little time on screen most of the characters get. All in all, Lost is that super rare type of show that manages to shoehorn mystery, character development, romance, intricately woven plot, philosophy and science fiction into an unforgettable (if not downright enthralling) television experience.
2. Arrested Development, (Fox, 2003-2006)
If there is ever a better comedy on television than Arrested Development I will eat my hat. Never before or since has a 30-minute comedy been better written, better conceived and better executed than Arrested, nor has there ever been a television show as re-watchable. I can't tell you how many times I've seen each episode (my best guess is probably about 10 times on average), but each time I sit down to watch the Bluths I find something new to laugh at that I never noticed before, or, and this is really something, the same jokes I laughed at the first time still land so hard that they make me cry with laughter. That's no exaggeration. I've literally laughed so hard at Arrested Development that I've been in pain, and I can't say that about any other comedy ever. I have such fond memories of the show that I sometimes think my love for it is over inflated and unjust, but all my doubts are quickly thrown to the wayside the instant I re-watch the pilot episode and Gob (played by Will Arnett) says, "Illusions, Michael! A trick is something a whore does for money," then he turns to see a group of children, mouths agape, and tries to make it better by adding, "... or cocaine." Television was undeniably blessed by the presence of Arrested Development, and the fact that it was consistently put upon by the network due to it's inability to secure an audience (that still blows my mind) and was ultimately canceled is one of the biggest tragedies in television history.
1. The Sopranos, (1999-2007)
I've said it before and I will say it again, The Sopranos is the best television show of all time. Period. Case closed. There has never, ever been such a well written, well acted and well directed show in the history of mankind and I am sad to say that I do not think we will ever get treated to something so genius ever again. I don't even know where to start when singing the praises of The Sopranos, because over it's 8 years and 6 seasons it delivered the goods each and every week and touched upon so many issues in it's own special way that it would be impossible for me to pinpoint one specific item that made the show so f_cking amazing. With a gun to my head I would tell you it was Tony Soprano and his unwavering appeal as the patriarch of two very different types of families, and the way he maneuvered through them both that kept me coming back each week to see what would happen, but I'd by lying through my teeth just to save my head from acquiring a new hole, because there is so much going on in every episode that to lay my love entirely upon Tony S. would be almost sinful. When I mentioned before that Lost has some of the most fleshed out characters on television today, I did so knowing that there is no possible way any show could develop it's cast of characters the way The Sopranos did. I know more about Sylvio Dante and Paulie Walnuts than I do about some of my cousins, and as sad as that is for me, it's a testament to the unrivaled quality of the writing and the unwavering vision of show creator David Chase. You really don't watch The Sopranos, you live it, because the world it represents is so clearly defined and so easy to get into, that for an hour at a time you forget where you are, who you are with and what you are doing and became a part of the family.
*Honorable Mentions* Undeclared, Freaks and Geeks, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Chappelle's Show, The Office (UK and US), 30 Rock, Party Down, Extras, Dexter, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Eastbound and Down, Parks & Recreation, House, Summer Heights High, Penn & Teller's Bull Sh_t, Weeds, Six Feet Under, Strangers With Candy, Human Giant, That Mitchell and Webb Look, American Dad, Oz, Futurama, The West Wing
*Blaring Omissions Due To My Not Seeing Them Yet* The Wire, The Shield, Deadwood, Rome, Battlestar Galactica, Veronica Mars, Firefly
Showing posts with label The Sopranos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Sopranos. Show all posts
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
TV Has Taught Me Evertyhing I Know
I've been sitting on this post for a while now, because I wanted to take the time to think about it, because it means more to me than any of my previous entries. Why? Because I love TV. I honestly and truly love television shows almost as much as I love some of my cousins (they just don't get me, man), and I'm not sure why, because I don't think about it. I just throw myself into a TV show and let the writers, actors, producers and networks do the rest. It's not that I'm lazy or have a lack of imagination that demands everything be shown to me, and it's not because I hate reading like so many other members of my generation seem to. I love reading. I love being creative and I love taking my dog for a good walk when I get home from a long day of pretending to work, but nothing makes the day more worth it than knowing I can escape into a different world for 22 or 43 minutes at a time (unless it's HBO/Showtime, in which case 28-60 minutes is appropriate).
I don't discriminate in my programming tastes. I'll watch anything from "Dr. Who" to NOVA specials on PBS, from "Monty Python" to "The Soup," it doesn't matter as long as it isn't "American Idol," or "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." The most important lessons I've learned in life, aside from ones that actually take place in the real world (not the TV show), have come from various TV Shows I've watched over the years. I have an urge to pass along the most important items to you, my dear reader, with the hope that what I've learned will resonate with you and help to change your life for the better, so without further adieu, I present to you: "Jimbolaya's Guide to Life, As Learned From T.V." A TV Guide to Life, if you will.
1- "Never go with a hippie to a second location." - Jack Donaghy/Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock. Have truer words ever been spoken? How many times have you found yourself enjoying a conversation with a hippie? Probably often, they are enjoyable people and their perspective on life is often times hilariously innocent and optimistic(not to mention they are really easy to f_ck with). Oh, you and your new hippie friend probably had a grand old time talking about philosophy and patchouli or whatever the f_ck hippies talk about, and then it all comes crashing down the instant you move to a second location. Say you were talking at a coffee shop or a bar and your hippie buddy asks if you want to move to another coffee shop or bar (depending where you started, it's the natural chain of hippie events: bar to coffee shop/coffee shop to bar, they don't care as long as they can sit down and hold something). Suddenly you find that your new "friend" is a complete idiot with a trust fund/inheritance from a dead aunt, and no sense of reality. Those "interesting" points he/she made earlier are not at all interesting any more, because in the harsh light of reality they just don't hold up. Besides, if you're talking to a guy who spent 6 months of the past year traveling around the country watching Phish and Phish cover bands, you have to start wondering when he/she is going to ask for money or a spot on your couch. That's how they work, they charm you with their dreadlocks and their carefree, whatever happens, happens attitude, but when it comes down to it they're still the same group of people who use peace and love as an excuse not to work.
2 - "To Alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." Homer Simpson/Dan Castellaneta, The Simpsons. I expect "The Simpsons" will play a large part in this guide, because I am part of Generation Homer. The lucky horde of 20-somethings that have seen every episode of "The Simpsons" since they were barely in grade school when it started airing 20-something years ago and, in doing so, have gained valuable knowledge about life, the universe and everything. That said, Homer hit this one right on the nose when he proudly proclaimed that alcohol is the cause and solution to all of life's problems, because it most certainly is. How many times have you argued with your best friend after one too many only to make up with him/her over one too many a few days later? It happens more often than you realize, but when it comes down to it, the wonderful side effect of imbibing alcoholic beverages is the be all and end all of coping mechanisms (and it's organic... sort of). No other substance on Earth manages to subdue your inhibitions quite like alchol; which is a double edged sword. You can say something nice to the girl you've never had the courage to say something nice to before, or you can say something nasty to your boss at the Christmas party because you took two shots of liquid courage in the break room with the IT guys (they know how to party). It works both ways and should be respected (possibly deified) for all the good it does and all the pain it causes, because there is nothing else like it in the world.
3- "Live together, or die alone." - Jack Shepherd/Matthew Fox, Lost - I am now, unfortunately, one of the millions of people in the world that is uncontrollably addicted to "Lost," but, aside from the mind blowing mysteries of the island and all the plot lines that twist in and out of the show and the loose ends that better get tidied up by this time next fall, "Lost" is truly a show about the good that comes of people working together for a common goal. Jack (my least favorite character on the show, by the way) sums it up beautifully in season 1 when he rallies the troops with what will soon become the Lostie motto. In one terrific sentence, Jack wraps up the most overlooked aspect of the human condition; which is our ability to be so selfish that we forget we need other people to live happily, and in doing so helped prompt a group of strangers who had no reason to trust each other to start working as a unit to make sure they had enough food, water and shelter to live on (what seemed to be) an undiscovered island with a monster on it. It's motivational without being overly dramatic and sentimental, and if you're ever in a situation where you're not sure what to do with yourself, just think "live together, die alone," and go find someone to help out. Trust me, it works.
4- "Even a broken clock is right twice a day." - Tony Soprano/James Gandolfini, The Sopranos. I know, I know, it's an old saying that has been around forever and I probably heard my grandma or grandpa say it once or twice, but who listens to their grandparents? When Tony Soprano speaks you and I have no choice but to stop what we're doing and pay attention (because he might have you clipped), and when Tony decides to pop off a piece of Jersey Shore wisdom like the line up above, you and I have no choice but to take it to heart (because, and this is important, he might murder you). When Tony says "even a broken clock is right twice a day" it's an insult directed at his retarded, camel nosed nephew Christopher, but when you stop and think about it, it's a great piece of advice and a helpful reminder that even the most "broken clocks" (meaning stupid people) among us are right from every once in a while. So, the next time the secretary at work with an annoying voice and a hair cut from last century is trying to make a point about the way you file your TPS reports, pay attention, she might be right.
5- "Oh, she thinks I'm too critical. That's another fault of hers." - Lucille Bluth/Jessica Walters, Arrested Development. Thank God for Lucille Bluth. I mean that, right now, if you are reading this say a prayer in thanks for Lucille, because there has never been a character like her on TV, and there never will be again. It's times like these when I'm reflecting on the important lessons I've learned in my life that I'm truly thankful for "Arrested Development," and the infinite amount of laughs it's given me, but Lucille always made me laugh the most. It's precisely the type of super-ego comment like the one above, that each and every one of us can learn from, that makes Lucille such a great character that stands head and shoulders above her fellow cast mates. Each of us, from time to time, needs to be impervious to insults or else we get too caught up in damage control and changing who we are for the sake of pleasing others. Lucille doesn't do that. She's fully embraced herself and has no problem sloughing off a barb from Lindsay, Michael or Gob. It's not that she doesn't care (well, she probably doesn't care now that I think about it), but she knows it's not going to change a damn thing, so why pay attention to it? It's their fault anyway, they brought it up.
6- "A ceremony doesn't have to be long to be effective." Alf, ALF. I don't remember much about "ALF," but what I do remember (the titular character's affinity for eating cats) has stuck with me for a long, long time. That said, the best wedding I've ever been to lasted less than 25 minutes, and believe me, it was effective. The preacher/priest got up to the altar, said some gibberish about love and marriage, there were rings and vows and before I could say an "Our Father" it was over and the loving couple were married. Perfect. I grew up Catholic so I know about overly long ceremonies (a 2 hour long Christmas service really makes you wonder if it's all worth it), and as a child I always knew, deep down, that church would be more effective if it lasted half as long, because God doesn't care if you spend an hour dressed up, worshiping, because he's God, he's got other things to take care of. So, why not parse it down to the necessary bits and move on so you can go out and get on with your life? This goes double for you, graduation ceremonies, because after 4 years of hard work to get to that point, everybody in the audience just wants to get it over with. Next time you're planning a wedding, think about what Alf said, and if that's not enough, imagine how much more time you'll get to spend at the open bar if the service ended earlier.
7 - "You always go with your gut. How about for once you listen to your brain." - Marge Simpson/Julie Kavner, The Simpsons. Instincts are overrated. Instincts, when listened to perpetually and without question, can be a real pain in the ass, because they are leftovers from a time when humans were, more or less, animals that had to use their most basic urges in order to survive. Now, in 2009, we have far too many tools at our disposal to warrant listening to your inner caveman (unless you are facing up to a T-Rex, and then by all means, instinct away). For thousands of years philosophers have been trying to tell us we need to stop and think about what we do and how we do it. We can't always rely on a gut reaction to give us the best outcome for every situation. However, we do need to use our instincts from time to time, but we need to be selective about it. For example; if you're walking down the street and a guy is heading your way wearing a trench coat with a menacing look on your face, it's a good idea to follow your gut across the street, because, hell he might mug you, flash you or ask for spare change, but if you take the time to think about it, he's probably just a guy walking down the street, just like you, and he might think you're about to mug him. So, be selective about listening to your gut, it might make all the difference in the world.
8- "If I see you touch that kid again, I'm going to stick my fist through your chest." - Tim Riggins/Taylor Kitsch, Friday Night Lights. Okay, aside from being a criminally under watched show, "Friday Night Lights" is a vivid portrayal of what life is like in a small town that happens to be obsessed with high school football, and behind all the drama and struggle lies something deeper. It's rare to see a community that actually cares about itself on TV these days, but the good folks of Dillon, Texas are, at all times, trying to do what's right by everyone else (even if that means hurting someone in the process, unfortunately) and there is no better example of this ethos than Tim Riggins. Riggins will do whatever it takes to protect what he loves, and you know he's not lying when he says he's going to put his fist through someone's chest, because he will (I've seen it!) if it means saving someone else from getting hurt. We should all take this to heart, because we try so hard to remain on the periphery of everyone's lives without interfering that we forget that we actually need to step up and do something if the situation demands it. We can't shuffle along happily ignoring the guy who beats his kid, we have to notice it and do something about it or else it all goes to sh_t.
9- "They could at least lie to us. You know, call us and lie! We don't want to sit here like schmucks. A lie is a gesture, it's a courtesy, it's a little respect. This is very disrespectful. ." Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm It came to my attention, just the other night actually, that I may be a little too honest. I might tell it like it is a little too much, because oftentimes I overlook the necessity of lying. While I don't think anyone should ever lie and that everyone should be as honest about what they're feeling or thinking, sometimes a lie just works better. If you don't want to go out to dinner with a couple of old friends because you're tired, you can't just call up and say "I don't feel like it," you have to give them an excuse, because "I don't feel like it" is going to piss them off. But, if you come up with a little, white lie and say "I'm not feeling well, I think something's going around work, I was really looking forward to seeing you guys," even if they suspect you're lying, at least they know you made an effort not to hurt their feelings. Still, if it were up to me everyone we'd be honest all the time, no matter who they offended in the process, but, a lie is sometimes exactly what the doctor ordered... as long as it's not a huge, life consuming lie, just the little ones that don't hurt anyone.
I expect this list of wisdom will continue to grow, but for now this is enough to pass along, or at least it's some of the more important stuff... stay tuned.
I don't discriminate in my programming tastes. I'll watch anything from "Dr. Who" to NOVA specials on PBS, from "Monty Python" to "The Soup," it doesn't matter as long as it isn't "American Idol," or "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." The most important lessons I've learned in life, aside from ones that actually take place in the real world (not the TV show), have come from various TV Shows I've watched over the years. I have an urge to pass along the most important items to you, my dear reader, with the hope that what I've learned will resonate with you and help to change your life for the better, so without further adieu, I present to you: "Jimbolaya's Guide to Life, As Learned From T.V." A TV Guide to Life, if you will.
1- "Never go with a hippie to a second location." - Jack Donaghy/Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock. Have truer words ever been spoken? How many times have you found yourself enjoying a conversation with a hippie? Probably often, they are enjoyable people and their perspective on life is often times hilariously innocent and optimistic(not to mention they are really easy to f_ck with). Oh, you and your new hippie friend probably had a grand old time talking about philosophy and patchouli or whatever the f_ck hippies talk about, and then it all comes crashing down the instant you move to a second location. Say you were talking at a coffee shop or a bar and your hippie buddy asks if you want to move to another coffee shop or bar (depending where you started, it's the natural chain of hippie events: bar to coffee shop/coffee shop to bar, they don't care as long as they can sit down and hold something). Suddenly you find that your new "friend" is a complete idiot with a trust fund/inheritance from a dead aunt, and no sense of reality. Those "interesting" points he/she made earlier are not at all interesting any more, because in the harsh light of reality they just don't hold up. Besides, if you're talking to a guy who spent 6 months of the past year traveling around the country watching Phish and Phish cover bands, you have to start wondering when he/she is going to ask for money or a spot on your couch. That's how they work, they charm you with their dreadlocks and their carefree, whatever happens, happens attitude, but when it comes down to it they're still the same group of people who use peace and love as an excuse not to work.
2 - "To Alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." Homer Simpson/Dan Castellaneta, The Simpsons. I expect "The Simpsons" will play a large part in this guide, because I am part of Generation Homer. The lucky horde of 20-somethings that have seen every episode of "The Simpsons" since they were barely in grade school when it started airing 20-something years ago and, in doing so, have gained valuable knowledge about life, the universe and everything. That said, Homer hit this one right on the nose when he proudly proclaimed that alcohol is the cause and solution to all of life's problems, because it most certainly is. How many times have you argued with your best friend after one too many only to make up with him/her over one too many a few days later? It happens more often than you realize, but when it comes down to it, the wonderful side effect of imbibing alcoholic beverages is the be all and end all of coping mechanisms (and it's organic... sort of). No other substance on Earth manages to subdue your inhibitions quite like alchol; which is a double edged sword. You can say something nice to the girl you've never had the courage to say something nice to before, or you can say something nasty to your boss at the Christmas party because you took two shots of liquid courage in the break room with the IT guys (they know how to party). It works both ways and should be respected (possibly deified) for all the good it does and all the pain it causes, because there is nothing else like it in the world.
3- "Live together, or die alone." - Jack Shepherd/Matthew Fox, Lost - I am now, unfortunately, one of the millions of people in the world that is uncontrollably addicted to "Lost," but, aside from the mind blowing mysteries of the island and all the plot lines that twist in and out of the show and the loose ends that better get tidied up by this time next fall, "Lost" is truly a show about the good that comes of people working together for a common goal. Jack (my least favorite character on the show, by the way) sums it up beautifully in season 1 when he rallies the troops with what will soon become the Lostie motto. In one terrific sentence, Jack wraps up the most overlooked aspect of the human condition; which is our ability to be so selfish that we forget we need other people to live happily, and in doing so helped prompt a group of strangers who had no reason to trust each other to start working as a unit to make sure they had enough food, water and shelter to live on (what seemed to be) an undiscovered island with a monster on it. It's motivational without being overly dramatic and sentimental, and if you're ever in a situation where you're not sure what to do with yourself, just think "live together, die alone," and go find someone to help out. Trust me, it works.
4- "Even a broken clock is right twice a day." - Tony Soprano/James Gandolfini, The Sopranos. I know, I know, it's an old saying that has been around forever and I probably heard my grandma or grandpa say it once or twice, but who listens to their grandparents? When Tony Soprano speaks you and I have no choice but to stop what we're doing and pay attention (because he might have you clipped), and when Tony decides to pop off a piece of Jersey Shore wisdom like the line up above, you and I have no choice but to take it to heart (because, and this is important, he might murder you). When Tony says "even a broken clock is right twice a day" it's an insult directed at his retarded, camel nosed nephew Christopher, but when you stop and think about it, it's a great piece of advice and a helpful reminder that even the most "broken clocks" (meaning stupid people) among us are right from every once in a while. So, the next time the secretary at work with an annoying voice and a hair cut from last century is trying to make a point about the way you file your TPS reports, pay attention, she might be right.
5- "Oh, she thinks I'm too critical. That's another fault of hers." - Lucille Bluth/Jessica Walters, Arrested Development. Thank God for Lucille Bluth. I mean that, right now, if you are reading this say a prayer in thanks for Lucille, because there has never been a character like her on TV, and there never will be again. It's times like these when I'm reflecting on the important lessons I've learned in my life that I'm truly thankful for "Arrested Development," and the infinite amount of laughs it's given me, but Lucille always made me laugh the most. It's precisely the type of super-ego comment like the one above, that each and every one of us can learn from, that makes Lucille such a great character that stands head and shoulders above her fellow cast mates. Each of us, from time to time, needs to be impervious to insults or else we get too caught up in damage control and changing who we are for the sake of pleasing others. Lucille doesn't do that. She's fully embraced herself and has no problem sloughing off a barb from Lindsay, Michael or Gob. It's not that she doesn't care (well, she probably doesn't care now that I think about it), but she knows it's not going to change a damn thing, so why pay attention to it? It's their fault anyway, they brought it up.
6- "A ceremony doesn't have to be long to be effective." Alf, ALF. I don't remember much about "ALF," but what I do remember (the titular character's affinity for eating cats) has stuck with me for a long, long time. That said, the best wedding I've ever been to lasted less than 25 minutes, and believe me, it was effective. The preacher/priest got up to the altar, said some gibberish about love and marriage, there were rings and vows and before I could say an "Our Father" it was over and the loving couple were married. Perfect. I grew up Catholic so I know about overly long ceremonies (a 2 hour long Christmas service really makes you wonder if it's all worth it), and as a child I always knew, deep down, that church would be more effective if it lasted half as long, because God doesn't care if you spend an hour dressed up, worshiping, because he's God, he's got other things to take care of. So, why not parse it down to the necessary bits and move on so you can go out and get on with your life? This goes double for you, graduation ceremonies, because after 4 years of hard work to get to that point, everybody in the audience just wants to get it over with. Next time you're planning a wedding, think about what Alf said, and if that's not enough, imagine how much more time you'll get to spend at the open bar if the service ended earlier.
7 - "You always go with your gut. How about for once you listen to your brain." - Marge Simpson/Julie Kavner, The Simpsons. Instincts are overrated. Instincts, when listened to perpetually and without question, can be a real pain in the ass, because they are leftovers from a time when humans were, more or less, animals that had to use their most basic urges in order to survive. Now, in 2009, we have far too many tools at our disposal to warrant listening to your inner caveman (unless you are facing up to a T-Rex, and then by all means, instinct away). For thousands of years philosophers have been trying to tell us we need to stop and think about what we do and how we do it. We can't always rely on a gut reaction to give us the best outcome for every situation. However, we do need to use our instincts from time to time, but we need to be selective about it. For example; if you're walking down the street and a guy is heading your way wearing a trench coat with a menacing look on your face, it's a good idea to follow your gut across the street, because, hell he might mug you, flash you or ask for spare change, but if you take the time to think about it, he's probably just a guy walking down the street, just like you, and he might think you're about to mug him. So, be selective about listening to your gut, it might make all the difference in the world.
8- "If I see you touch that kid again, I'm going to stick my fist through your chest." - Tim Riggins/Taylor Kitsch, Friday Night Lights. Okay, aside from being a criminally under watched show, "Friday Night Lights" is a vivid portrayal of what life is like in a small town that happens to be obsessed with high school football, and behind all the drama and struggle lies something deeper. It's rare to see a community that actually cares about itself on TV these days, but the good folks of Dillon, Texas are, at all times, trying to do what's right by everyone else (even if that means hurting someone in the process, unfortunately) and there is no better example of this ethos than Tim Riggins. Riggins will do whatever it takes to protect what he loves, and you know he's not lying when he says he's going to put his fist through someone's chest, because he will (I've seen it!) if it means saving someone else from getting hurt. We should all take this to heart, because we try so hard to remain on the periphery of everyone's lives without interfering that we forget that we actually need to step up and do something if the situation demands it. We can't shuffle along happily ignoring the guy who beats his kid, we have to notice it and do something about it or else it all goes to sh_t.
9- "They could at least lie to us. You know, call us and lie! We don't want to sit here like schmucks. A lie is a gesture, it's a courtesy, it's a little respect. This is very disrespectful. ." Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm It came to my attention, just the other night actually, that I may be a little too honest. I might tell it like it is a little too much, because oftentimes I overlook the necessity of lying. While I don't think anyone should ever lie and that everyone should be as honest about what they're feeling or thinking, sometimes a lie just works better. If you don't want to go out to dinner with a couple of old friends because you're tired, you can't just call up and say "I don't feel like it," you have to give them an excuse, because "I don't feel like it" is going to piss them off. But, if you come up with a little, white lie and say "I'm not feeling well, I think something's going around work, I was really looking forward to seeing you guys," even if they suspect you're lying, at least they know you made an effort not to hurt their feelings. Still, if it were up to me everyone we'd be honest all the time, no matter who they offended in the process, but, a lie is sometimes exactly what the doctor ordered... as long as it's not a huge, life consuming lie, just the little ones that don't hurt anyone.
I expect this list of wisdom will continue to grow, but for now this is enough to pass along, or at least it's some of the more important stuff... stay tuned.
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