You're Not Helping

I've remained quiet on the political front because I really don't know what I'm talking about. I've never been educated in political science or the way things "ought to be," outside of Walden 2 and Socrates. I'm not a pundit. I'm not a politician. I'm just a guy with a blog, a dog and a job he hates going to every morning. In other words: I'm just like you. But, unlike the majority of uninformed, under educated Americans out there, I like to keep my mouth shut and listen to what's happening. I try to gather the information I can gather and use it to make my own decisions regarding whatever issue it is I'm thinking about. Also, politics is too heavy a subject for a blog like mine. It is incredibly hard to write a good joke about America's current economic situation, it's health care reform issues, the birthers, the tea parties and everything else that is far too serious to be made fun of... luckily I'm a dick.

I spent my lunch hour today listening to President Obama's address to a joint session of The House and The Senate from last night (I would have watched it live, but I was in the middle of watching Lost... see I'm really unqualified for this "important stuff) and, as usual, I'm incredibly impressed with Mr. Obama's ability to give a speech that makes, good, logical sense and always seems to come from an honest, emotional place that resonates with any one listening who happens to agree with his point of view. That said, he's got to be driving the opposition insane. Right? I mean, think about it, at least Dubya was a bumbling Texan with his head up his ass who couldn't stutter out a sentence without ending up on The Daily Show, but this Obama guy, f_ck me, the man knows how to rally a crowd, he knows how to speak eloquently and intelligently and from the heart without insulting everyone's intelligence. It's a fresh. It's funky. It's f_cking awesome.

"Mr. President who is awesome?" "YOU, are awesome, America!"

There's something reassuring about a President who can put a sentence together without sounding like he's trying to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge. There's no pressure involved when you listen to President Obama make a speech; all you have to do is listen quietly and applaud as necessary, because he's not trying to convince you, and (here's the best part) he doesn't have to. Why? Well, the Democratic party is in control of the House and Senate, so he's got that going for him; which is nice, but aside from that he's (brace yourself) the mother f_cking President of the United States of America. That means he's the man in charge. That means he will not go quietly into that dark night. That means, no matter where you stand politically, he is to be respected and listened to without going all nutty.

Maybe I'm not being fair, because towards the end of the Bush administration a lot of people were protesting, but Bush himself (not just his political stances) was the target, because he just didn't seem quite right. Everything President Bush did seemed to come with a wink and a nod, like he was giving a shout out to the Skull and Bones club members he was working for (that's a joke... he worked for Haliburton) Hell, the last two years of his presidency the man may as well have spent his time sun bathing on the White House lawn wearing nothing more than a pink speedo, because no one would have cared as long as he wasn't making any important decisions. We were too caught up in the coming election, and we, as a people mind you, were too eager to get him out of office. Not the Republican party. Not just Dick "Buckshot" Cheney. No, the American people wanted Ol' Dubya out, and that is exactly what they got. We, as a people, elected the exact opposite of President Bush when we showed up in near American Idol levels to vote for a guy named Barack Hussein Obama ( I still can't wrap my head around how impressive that is), and America is better because of it.

Not only have we showed the entire world that we can get over a very large speed bump named "racism," but we have also showed ourselves what we really wanted all along, and that is someone who knows what he's doing, can garner support without being devious and actually thinks about what he's going to do before he does it (Biden aside). So, when I'm sitting down to watch a presidential address I don't expect to hear the opposition shouting at the President, because I assumed we were past that... f_ck me was I wrong.

Last night, a Congressman by the name of Joe Wilson (R-S.C.) shouted "you lie" when President Obama confirmed that his current health care reform bill will not apply to illegal aliens. Isn't that nice?

Pictured Above: A Giant C_ck.

To put this in perspective, imagine you're at a funeral and you're quietly listening to the eulogy, people are in tears all around you, everyone is contemplating their own miserable existence and the futility of life, and the speaker gets to a point in his speech where he says "so and so was a great, man, a loving man, a humble man and an amazing father," when from the back of the church someone yells "No he wasn't! He was a prick and he owes me $50!" Because that's what it was like when I heard Rep. Wilson shout "You lie" during the President's speech.

I know a lot of news media has already tweeted about this, but I'm not a member of the press ( I don't even have a Twitter account), I'm just some idiot sitting at his desk wasting time at work, but I'm also an American who doesn't like the way my country has turned ugly. It's one thing when you've got a bunch of yahoos dressed up in colonial garb barking about taxes at "tea parties" (ugh... f_cking idiots, when have we ever not had to pay taxes...f_ck!), but when an elected member of Congress has the cojones to sit there and yell out "you lie" during a presidential address, I've just about had it with all the wackos out there and the people who keep prodding them along. Sure, Joe Wilson has apologized for being the biggest douche cookie in the world, but that doesn't mean he can take back what he already did; which was embarrass himself, his party and the people who voted him into office.

Or did he?

I've reached the crucial part of my disconnect from the way people think nowadays, because to me Joe Wilson is an embarrassment and should be kicked out of office for interrupting the Commander in Chief with such egregious slander, but is that what the people who voted for him want? Probably not. To them, meaning the Republican, super conservative voters, Joe Wilson is a hero, a man who was willing to stand up for what he believes in no matter what the situation calls for, even if that means making a complete and total ass of himself during President Obama's address (which he did). You can put Joe Wilson on the shelf next to "Death Panels" Palin, "Obama is a Racist" Beck and "Gimme Burgers and Vicodin" Limbaugh when it comes to hyper conservative republican heroes, because if there is anything I've learned that hard core neo-cons love, it's a crazy person with an axe to grind.

At least when liberals (I don't really like them either) were protesting the war in Iraq they made sense, and now most people can agree that we are there for a really flimsy reason, but we backed ourselves into a corner that we've got to find a way out of before it gets too late (here's a clue... it's always been too late), because for the most part people are not the retarded refuse of the republican party that I seem to think they are. For the most part, people are calm, cool headed and thoughtful about things like war. What. The. F_ck. War!? Really? You accept that argument, but you'll freak the f_ck out over health care reform; which is a vital aspect of almost every truly civilized nation in the world? But I thought...? But you said...? Nah, this can't be right... can it?

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save us Superman!"

Sadly, it is. People who had no objections to getting involved in a war that they were lied to about (WMDs, remember those you assholes?) are acting like a pack of jackals with a brand new bone over something as inert as health care reform; which I realize is truly not that tame an issue, but come on! Millions of American citizens, citizens like you and I, are suffering because they have no health care at all. I'm lucky, my job has great benefits which include full health care coverage as long as I'm employed here, but if I lose my job I'm f_cked, and that's how it is for the majority of us out there who can't afford the premiums of huge insurance companies, because we just don't make enough money. Shoot, if I was a stand-up comedian full time there is a decent chance that unless I landed my own "Everybody Loves Raymond" type sitcom I'd be sh_t out of luck in the health care department even then. And, honestly, does the Republican party think the bulk of their Mid-Western, trailer park living constituency can afford ample health care? Do they not realize the very people who voted for them are the ones that crowd emergency rooms across the country because they can't afford Blue Cross? Or, and this is much more upsetting, do those conservative voters not realize they are getting screwed over by a party that really just wants their vote and not their voice?

Listen, I was educated by a steady diet of T.V and Comic Books with some schooling sprinkled in, so I am definitely not the person you want to listen to about something this serious, but I still get to virtually spread my opinion around thanks to the Internet, so take from this what you will. Disagree if you'd like, and feel free to leave me a comment, because I'm always open to a rational discussion, but please, all I'm asking is that you think for yourselves and try really hard not to disgrace a country that is recovering from 8 years of bad management practices. I'm not sure Obama will be a great president or even a good one, but I am sure he's trying, so let's at least give him the benefit of the doubt and stop acting like petulant 5 year old brats who didn't get the bike they wanted for Christmas in the right shade of red. You're embarrassing me, my country and worst of all yourselves. Just think. Please. That's all anyone has ever wanted from anyone else. Because, a moment of thought overcomes an eternity of regret. Think about that, please.